Suckerlove
by KT the Shimmer Skank
Summary: Jay takes Holly J under his wing in the ways of life and love, but what will he do when the student surpasses the teacher? Banter, shenanigans, and fluff.
1. wallflowers

**Suckerlove**

Rated T for language and sexuality, some drug references.

Notes: Starts at the end of "Lost in Love." The story actually happens _within_ the canon all the way through "Danger Zone," and from there becomes AU. Since all of my other projects right now are dark and depressing and epic, I felt like working on something simpler and more lighthearted. Be warned of fluff. Enjoy! Please review!

-o-o-o-o-o-

Jay Hogart adjusted the backwards black cap on his head as he slunk against the wall of the gym, staring out at the sea of smiling teenage faces and hideous red decorations. Why the fuck did Degrassi have so many dances, anyway? And more importantly, why was he getting suckered into being at them? Hell, he wasn't even supposed to be on school property. But there he was, folding his arms as he watched Spinner and Jane make out, and everyone around them twirl in nauseatingly cozy embraces.

He glanced over at his fellow wallflower, a short blonde in a pink dress, the girl who had orchestrated this elaborate romantic moment to save Spinner and Jane's love. He smirked. "You are quite the schemer, Holly J. I'm impressed."

Holly J sighed heavily. Normally she would have made a sly quip or basked in elaborate self-congratulations, but in that moment, it didn't even seem worth it. Watching Spinner and Jane mad her stomach hurt with jealousy.

"Nah," she responded. She stared across the room of naïve lovers, paired like animals about to board the arc. "Just a hopeless romantic."

For one fleeting moment, Jay felt a wave of heartbreak. It was hard for him to get worked up over feelings, since he usually had none, but something about all the glitter and bad pop music made him think of Manny. He remembered the last Degrassi dance he'd crashed, dressed dramatically incognito to try win Manny back, _again_. She had had a way of making him do ridiculous things. Things that weren't anything like the old Jay Hogart.

"Ah, me too," he said with a morose smile. He reached into his wallet and showed Holly J the picture of Manny he kept with him. It was wrinkled and starting to discolor from being touched too often. "I wish she really _was_ here."

Holly J smirked at the photo. She had never _really _been a fan of Manny; she wasn't a fan of anyone she had to compete with, so their brief days of being on the spirit squad together had always been tense. But it was almost cute how mushy Jay got over her. Almost.

"Uh-huh," Holly J said slowly. "So you just uh… you just carry that around with you there, champ? Like a total lovesick creepo?"

Jay blushed. "What? I mean… well, you know, she gave it to me and all. I guess I just never thought to take it out."

"I never knew you were such a sap, Jay. This is totally ammunition for me to tease you mercilessly, you realize this, right?" She yanked the picture from his hands. "Jay and Manny, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—"

Jay dove for her, reaching over her and grabbing the picture out of her hands.

"Oh, wow," said Holly J, covering her nose as Jay put the picture back in his wallet and moved a step away from her. "Good thing Manny _isn't_ here. I'm going to recommend that you at least shower before trying to win back your sweetheart. You smell like a McDonald's dumpster."

"What? Come on, it's not that bad."

"_Sure_ it isn't."

Jay huffed, and Holly J smirked triumphantly. The girl never flinched when it came to dishing out insults, and that never failed to impress Jay. She looked like any average nitwit girl, tonight especially because of her frills and sparkles, but that was how she got you. Trust her sweet side for a moment and BAM: the Holly J verbal bitch slap.

When Jay had first stumbled across Holly J a few weeks prior, he hadn't been at all prepared for such a match. She was shallow and loud, and he often found himself compelled to throw things at her. He'd enjoyed her misery, watching her struggle to carry plates and being yelled at by customers. Who doesn't like to see the head cheerleader flip burgers? It's a moment of poetic justice for the little guy everywhere.

But Holly J had proved to be more of a fireball than her tiny frame suggested. She met every challenge and shitty shift with sass and a calm brow; she met every teasing line from Jay with a neatly cut rebuttal. And so over a short period of time, Jay had come to realize a fascinating truth… Holly J wasn't scared of him. He respected that.

"Well look, come on, Stinko," she said suddenly, grabbing hold of his hand. "This is my sister's dress and it's too smokin' to not have people look at it. Sinclairs don't do well as wall decorations."

"Huh?" Jay asked, startled. He didn't like the menacing glint he saw in Holly J's eye.

She started yanking him confidently towards the dance floor. "You heard me, big boy."

"Ah, no, see, I don't do _dancing._ I'm not even supposed to be here; we'll both be escorted off the premises."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. Besides, no one here will even remember or care who you are. You're like, ancient."

"You're like, a huge bitch."

"Thanks. I try to live up to my reputation."

With a decisive twirl, Holly J swung herself into position in Jay's arms, forcing him to move to the beat. Reluctant as he was, Holly J couldn't help but notice that he did take quickly to the music.

The pair was strikingly mismatched as they swayed back and forth to bad pop music. Jay's dirty, dark cotton-clad body towered over the manicured and sprite-like figure of Holly J. Holly J tried to ignore the smelly sweat from Jay's neck that was getting on her hands, while Jay tried to ignore the face that the glitter from Holly J's dress was getting all over his sweater.

Holly J sighed as her gaze landed on Blue, who stared back at her with sad eyes. She looked down, blushing and smirking slightly.

Jay caught a glimpse of Holly J's soft smile, and cocked a curious eyebrow. He looked over and saw Blue, who was blatantly staring at them with a dramatically jealous gaze. "And who might that strapping lad be, Miss Holly J?"

"Who?" she answered dumbly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jay gasped, pretending to be affronted. "Holly J, are you… are you _using_ me to make someone else jealous? I'm stung. Really."

Holly J rolled her eyes. "Trust me, no one in their right mind would be jealous of you."

"Hey, you don't really want to say that about the only guy in this high school freakfest of a party who's willing to dance with you, do you?"

"You weren't _exactly_ willing…"

"Ah, so you're insulting the only guy who could be _coerced_ into dancing with you? That guy over there must really be getting to you, because you are seriously off on your megabitch insults this evening."

"He's just a guy from my art class, alright? I like him, but I keep messing up, so it's never going to happen, etcetera, etcetera, drop it."

Menacing glee lit up Jay's face. "Oh, this is too golden. Holly J has a weakness, folks, and its name is Gay-Looking Pretty Boy."

Holly J tried not to let anything show on her face. "Wow, has anyone ever told you you're not funny?"

"Holly J and Gayfer, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S--"

"No I mean, like, not even a little bit funny. I kind of start nodding off every time you speak."

"-I-N-G. First comes love…"

"You're like this lame, howling dog or something. Someone should really just put you down. It's the only humane thing to do."

"Then comes… ow! Damn, woman." Jay brought a hand to his head to rub the sting that was left by a smack from Holly J. "Well what's the deal, then? He's trying to make you put out more than you've got in stock?"

Holly J stared at Jay incredulously. "Um, wow… well, let's just ignore for a second how slimey and inappropriate you are. But no, actually. I kind of threw myself at him, and he kind of turned me down flat-out."

Jay noticed the flush of color that touched Holly J's cheeks, and he held back his urge to be a completely insensitive asshole. It wasn't easy to admit rejection. Especially not for someone as stubborn and arrogant as Holly J. Rather than snap back with a taunt, Jay chose the rarer road of kindness. He tried for empathy.

"Well hey, squirt, don't beat yourself up over it," he said carefully. "Nobody gets their way all the time. Not even you."

Holly J rolled her eyes. "Thanks for that, I'll add that nugget to my book of knowledge."

Jay smirked at the frustration in her face. Holly J was genuinely upset about something and was actually letting it show. Who knew?

"I'm serious, kid," he continued. "I'm just saying you gotta walk before you get laid is all." He momentarily removed one of the hands that was wrapped around Holly J's hips and motioned towards his own body dramatically. "For example, I know this stud of a man dancing in front of you might seem like a flawless specimen, but even I have some poor marks on my dating record. Like my first girlfriend Tanya now has three kids, no teeth, and works the Boogie Burger drive-in."

"Charming."

Jay nodded with a sigh. "She never seemed too bright. She had a great pair of…" His voice drifted for a moment as he took notice of the soft, smooth cleavage shining up at him from Holly J's chest. He shook his gaze and pushed forward. "Eyes, though. Great eyes. And then another one of my girlfriends turned out to be a lesbian. And I mean, you know of course how well things went with Manny." Jay paused for a moment. "Shit, actually, this is kind of depressing to think about. None of my dating experiences have been too rock solid, come to think of it."

"I hear that spreading VD through anonymous van-sex can have that effect," Holly J remarked with a snort.

At least bringing up his own humiliating misfortunes had cheered her up, thought Jay. He laughed. "Chrissakes, are people still talking about that? I never thought you'd be one to spread around years-old gossip, Holly J."

Holly J smirked icily. "Some stories are too classic to let go of."

"I'm flattered."

"You would be."

The slow, cheesy song came to an end, and as an upbeat hip hop song overtook it, Jay and Holly J found themselves standing still in the middle of a crowded, pulsing dancefloor. Awkwardly, they separated their arms from one another's torsos.

"Well, uh, it was great being humiliated by you and all, but I think it's time for me to get the hell out of here," said Jay, scratching the back of his head.

Holly J nodded. "Sure you don't want to find an underage girl and coerce her into performing oral sex for bracelets?"

Jay's face remained completely nonchalant as he continued the banter. "Nah, I think I'll just go home and beat it to pictures of Miley Cyrus instead."

"That's disgusting."

"So's your face."

"Weak."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Holly J sighed and folded her arms. "Alright then, you can move along now. It's been fun hanging out in the lowest bracket of IQ, but I kind of want to get back to using multi-syllabic words."

Jay grinned and started to leave.

"Wait," said Holly J. Jay turned around. "Thanks for dancing with me. And for trying to cheer me up."

Jay shrugged. "Thanks for fixing everything for Spin. Don't tell him or anything, but I kinda like the guy. In fact, I don't totally hate you either, kid. I'll tell you what. You keep keeping me in check, and my wealth of dating knowledge is yours for the probing."

Holly J rolled her eyes as she gently waved goodbye to Jay's skulking figure. When he'd left, she found herself standing alone again, in the middle of all this romance, and she sighed. Slowly, she glanced over her shoulder and noticed that Blue was still staring, obviously a little jealous of Jay.

She smirked. Maybe Jay wasn't totally useless, after all.


	2. tutelage

Some days later, the bell on the door of the Dot rang, and Jay sauntered inside.

"Cheeseburger and fries, Spin," he announced regally, scooting up to the bar. Holly J was seated with a spread of books and notes, scribbling away and taking no notice of him. "Well hello to you, too, squirt," he said playfully, hooking his arm around her. He placed his hand on her head and ruffled her hair abrasively.

Calmly, Holly J gripped her hand tightly around Jay's ear until it turned scorching pink and then pale white. Jay howled in pain. She yanked his head two feet downward in one tug, and glared as she sat poised over him on the barstool.

"Jason," she said through gritted teeth. "Don't ever touch my ponytail again, or I will destroy you and sell your parts for the good of science." She released his ear and shoved him away.

"Jesus!" Jay yelled, flailing to regain composure. As he stood back up, he stumbled into Holly J's books and binders and all of them tumbled to the floor. He ignored the mess as he slid onto a barstool of his own. He met Holly J's eyes, which stared at him expectantly.

"What?" he said.

"Ahem." Holly J pointed to the scattered books and papers on the floor.

"What? Seriously?" Jay whined. "I am _not _picking that up. You just assaulted me!"

Holly J said nothing. She simply stared, her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed defiantly.

"Look, you can give me the bitch-eye all you want; I'm immune, sister."

She cocked her head, staring.

Jay groaned. "Fine. _Fine._" He bent over and started collecting her things, tossing them carelessly back onto the bar. One stray piece of paper skidded around as he scrambled to grab it all, and the bright, curvy handwriting caught his eye. He grinned devilishly as he snagged it and started reading. Holly J realized what he had picked up, and her eyes widened in horror.

"The to-do list of Holly J Sinclair," Jay said slyly. He was tickled by the entry, _lose virginity._ "Wow. I knew you were a busy woman, but you really try to pack in a full day, don't you?"

"Shut your trap, Eminem."

Jay was starting to turn pink from the laughter he could hardly contain. Holly J rolled her eyes and yanked the paper from his hands.

"Laugh all you want, scumball, because at the end of the day, I'm still the one that's never had an STD."

"And never will, at this rate. Ow!" Holly J hadn't hesitated to box his ear.

"You're one to talk, Mr. Wallet-Picture."

"Touche, Miss J." Jay removed the cap from his head and placed it on the bar, sighing as he ran his fingers through his mildly greasy brown hair. Holly J paused for a moment, realizing she'd never actually seen him without his hat on. She was shocked to realize he looked almost like a boy, rather than a pile of grease rags with eyes and limbs.

Spinner appeared in front of them on the opposite side of the bar. Holly J quickly stashed her to-do list in her binder, shifting uncomfortably in his presence. Spinner placed a hot plate of food in front of Jay.

"Play nice, guys," Spinner warned jokingly. He hadn't been listening to their conversation, but just seeing their body language in his periphery had told him they were up to their usual back-and-forth.

Jay glanced at Holly J as he shoved the cheeseburger into his mouth. "So you're really still a virgin?" he asked.

Holly J shrugged, her head held up with its usual confidence. She wasn't about to let Jay intimidate her. "Well… yeah. Why, you gonna try and tease me about it? Because trust me, whatever you think you can throw at me, there's a brigade of slutty cheerleaders that's already beat you to it."

"If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one…" Jay chuckled. He swallowed his food and, after a moment's pause, slammed his hand down on the counter. "That's it. It's time for my good deed of the week."

Holly J eyed him suspiciously. "Yikes, I don't like the sound of that. Should I keep the fire department on speed dial?"

"Poison control, too," Spinner interjected, diving in and out of their conversation as he refilled a soda and went to deliver it to a table.

"No seriously," Jay said, patting Holly J's shoulder. "I am going to get you laid."

Holly J's eyes widened. "God help us. I'd rather risk fire and poison."

Jay grinned. "Your virginity doesn't stand a chance in my capable hands."

"Gross."

"Come on, Holly J, I'm being serious. I won't even try to sleep with you."

"How noble."

"I'm committed to helping you getting laid, for absolutely no personal gain."

"You mean other than the money you'll make selling tapes on the internet?"

Spinner came near them once again, dropping a pile of dishes into the bus pan. "Dude, I'm only hearing bits and pieces of what's going on over here, but I'm definitely afraid," he said.

"So who's the lucky guy here?" said Jay, ignoring Spinner. He reached into Holly J's binder and pulled the to-do list back out. "Blue?"

Holly J sighed. She had never been comfortable talking about her crushes, not even to Anya. There was something about it that made her feel vulnerable, and Sinclairs didn't do well as vulnerable. Could she honestly sit there and gush over boys with _Jay_ of all people?

A few weeks prior, the thought would have been completely untouchable. But as she had been working at the Dot and sinking into social obscurity lately, she somehow felt eerily at ease with Jay Hogart as her confidant. He had no real ties to her social world, and she felt like she could be honest with him in a way that she was rarely able to be at school.

"It's that guy you saw at the dance," Holly J answered, twisting her fingers together as she spoke. "He's in my art class. Totally gorgeous and smart and talented, and I thought he was into me, hence the big circle around his name."

"Ah," Jay responded, remembering their brief chat at the dance. "So you've already put this plan into motion, then."

Holly J nodded, her face glowing a warm, embarrassed pink. "Oh yeah. _Morbidly_ humiliating. We were alone in the art room, I was in total go-mode, and he… said he didn't want to."

Jay scratched his stubbly chin. "Uh-huh. So let me get this straight. The guy's name is _Blue,_ and you met him in _art class._ You also offered to have sex with him without even making him take you on a date, and he turned you down. Now, tell me, are we one hundred percent _sure_ he isn't gay?"

"Yes!" Holly J scoffed, swinging her arm around and slugging Jay in the shoulder. He tried not wince at the pain; for a tiny girl, she sure packed a wallop. Must have been all that tumbling on power squad. He remembered Manny's muscular arms with longing.

Jay shrugged. "Alright, alright, just checking. You can never be too sure, you know." He sighed dramatically and put his hands over his heart. "My first true love scorned me to go over to the gay side, you know."

Spinner, overhearing from behind the bar where he was wiping down ketchup bottles, couldn't suppress his laughter.

Jay glared at Spinner. "Oh shut up, dude. If you recall, it was _your _ex-girlfriend that Alex hooked up with. You know, the one you keep running back to pathetically every time she's willing to give you some pity sex."

Spinner's face got serious. "Dude, shut up, okay?"

Jay turned to Holly J. "See now, squirt, this is one crucial mistake you've got to avoid." He motioned towards Spinner with his thumb. "You can't let the first person you have sex with be the first person you _fall_ for, otherwise you end up like Dot-Boy over here: hung up for life."

Spinner chucked an empty ketchup bottle at Jay's head. "Hey, asshole, I said _shut up_ already. I am not hung up on Paige. I am extremely happy with Jane. And _since_ you brought it up, I'd like to remind you that Paige is not the first girl I had sex with. It was _Manny._"

Jay shifted uncomfortably in his seat, while Holly J's eyes widened. She looked back and forth between the two boys, stifling a giggle. "Wait, Spin, you dated Manny too?" Spinner shrugged. Holly J groaned in frustration and buried her face on the bar for a moment. "That's it. I give up. You guys are like, rock solid buds, and yet _you_ lost your virginity to the girl that _you_ are madly in love with? I'll never be able to keep up with all this… dating is _way_ too complicated for me."

Spinner laughed softly, forgetting completely that only moments ago he had been furious with Jay. Spinner had indeed ridden his own rollercoaster of high school dating, but now that he was finally settled with someone in a mature relationship, he found it endearing to watch someone younger face that rocky stage anew. "Don't worry, J. You can't over-think it. Just let it happen naturally."

"Yeah," Jay chimed in with a significantly more bitter tone. It was easy for Spinner to be all rainbows and sunshine, after all; he _had_ a girlfriend. "And then once you get the dating ball rolling, you'll never be able to get out of it. And you'll be miserable for the rest of your life. Exciting, no?"

Holly J sighed, glancing at Spinner's smile and at Jay's morose grimace. As if she weren't confused enough about boys, she wasn't sure she was going to get very far getting her love advice from Dumb and Dumber.


	3. surprise

Leaning with her elbows on the counter at the Dot, Holly J paused and sighed as she looked across the restaurant. She found herself caught in one of those fleeting moments of dissonance; the moment where you glance at your life and realize you don't recognize it. Her nails were dirty, her fingers slightly sticky from the grime of carrying plates and pouring coffee drinks all day. Her feet were tired and she could feel the film of sweat beneath her black Dot t-shirt. She was not the Holly J she'd once been.

In the corner of the restaurant, she watched as Anya, Mia, and another member of the power squad giggled together and slurped the last of their milkshakes. Anya's laughter was louder than Holly J remembered. Before, Anya rarely laughed out loud. But now, she bellowed gleefully without hesitation, a bold and glowing smile on her face. There was nothing (or no one) now to hold back Anya's laugh. Holly J felt her belly sting with a strange hurt.

In the next moments, the girls began to scatter, breaking Holly J from her pensive daze. She watched them push in their chairs and head towards the door, leaving their dishes behind for her to clean up.

"Rachel and I will go pick up the whipped cream," Mia called to Anya as she and the other girl left.

Anya grinned. "Great. See you guys later." She lingered after they had left, gathering her bag from the back of her chair. When she turned towards the door, she found herself meeting eyes directly with Holly J. The two girls blushed awkwardly.

"Sounds like a wild night," said Holly J.

Anya's smile subsided, and she suddenly seemed small again. "Yeah, power squad sleepover. I'd invite you…" she lied lamely. "But… well, you know."

Holly J nodded. "Yeah. I know. Guess I'll just have to miss out on all the whipped cream and goodie bags. Darn."

Anya took a breath, opening her mouth as if she had more to say. Instead, she simply nodded towards Holly J in an awkward goodbye and walked out the door. Holly J watched her walk down the street for a moment before snapping back to reality, and going to bus the table.

"Holly J, your shift's over," Spinner called from the counter, watching her with amusement. "Why are you still here?"

Holly J was startled by Spinner's voice and blushed. "Oh, you know," she said with sarcasm, shoving plates into the bus pan. "Just a love of the craft." There was no way she could say out loud that in fact the reason she had stayed on the clock was that she didn't have anywhere better to be.

Spinner laughed and shook his head. "Well when you're done with that table, roll some silverware and get the hell out of here. I'll close up."

"Aye aye, cap'n."

Spinner hovered over the register, entering in credit card tips. The bell on the door rang and moments later Jay's recognizable figure came into view. "What's up, dude?" Spinner asked without having to look up.

"I came to greet you with your slippers and smoking jacket as soon as you got off," Jay joked. "I've got big things planned for us tonight."

"Big things, eh? Like what?"

"Can't tell. It's a surprise."

"Ah. Well, sorry to break it to you, but I'm hanging out with Jane tonight. Scary movie night."

Jay sighed in dismay. "Alright, fine, change of plans. I can live with that. I'll go pick up some whiskey and we'll do that instead. I dig scary movies."

Spinner stopped what he was doing and looked up at Jay. "Um, dude… I'm hanging out with Jane tonight. Scary movie night. Me, Jane, couch, darkness, cuddles, popcorn?"

Jay contemplated. "So you're saying… you don't want any whiskey?"

"I'm saying I don't want any you, dude. I'm trying to chill with my girlfriend alone."

Jay pulled up a seat at the bar and grumbled in frustration. "So what am I supposed to do with this awesome surprise, then? I think I'm starting to have abandonment issues."

"Those aren't your only issues," Holly J chimed in. She sat rolling silverware in napkins a few seats down the bar.

Jay turned to her with a sarcastic grin. "Oh, Holly J. It's so nice that you're always around the Dot to tell me exactly what I need to hear when I'm feeling down."

"Hey, I work here. I have an excuse for always being around. What's yours?"

Jay glanced towards Spinner. "Well I always have the hope my best friend will actually wanna hang out," he said pointedly. Spinner ignored him and continued his work at the register. "…but I guess I'm shit out of luck on yet another Saturday night."

Holly J laughed softly at Jay's misfortune. As she carried her completed stack of silverware and placed it behind it counter, she wondered what she herself would be doing on yet another lonely Saturday night. And then she looked at Jay.

"You know," she said carefully. "I happen to love surprises. Why don't you hang out with me instead?"

"What?" said Jay and Spinner simultaneously, glancing towards her with equal surprise.

Holly J shrugged innocently.

Jay scratched the back of his neck and eyed her cautiously. "I don't know if we can take our friendship outside the Dot, Ho-J," he said slowly. "It might be weird."

"I don't know if the two of you can stand more than fifteen minutes of interaction," Spinner supplied.

Holly J rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm bored, I want to have fun, take me to the surprise," she said decisively. She reached towards the register and ejected a piece of blank paper. She wrote down her address and phone number for Jay. "Pick me up at 9:00, don't be late."

Holly J did not take a moment to consider that there would be any further discussion on the matter; when she decided something, that was the way it would be. She gathered up her bag and bid her goodbyes to Spinner and Jay.

Still a little stunned, Jay turned to Spinner and smirked. "Well how about that, champ," he said. "You've been replaced."

Spinner shook his head, still confused and concerned. "I guess so," he said. His voice was uncertain. "So does this mean you're going to take _Holly J_ to play cards and drink keg beer?"

Jay's eyes widened and he pouted angrily. "Who told you the surprise?"

Spinner shook his head. "Dude, you don't exactly change it up that often. And aren't you the slightest bit worried that this whole thing is, well, a terrible idea?"

Jay shrugged. "She wanted to come. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Personally, I think the little firecracker can hold her own with the boys."

Spinner nodded slightly, though he looked far from convinced. "Sure she can take care of herself… I'm just saying. When you and beer and young girls are all in the same place at the same time, bad things happen."

Jay threw up his hands. "Sheesh, is anyone ever gonna cut me some slack on that one?" Shaking his head, he retrieved a toothpick from the dispenser by the register and began to chew on the end of it. "Although, now that you mention it, it _has_ been awhile since I've gotten any…"

Spinner groaned. "See, this is what I mean."

"I wouldn't try to sleep with the poor girl. But that doesn't mean we couldn't have a little fun…"

"_Dude._"

Jay laughed. "I'm kidding. Calm down, Dad. It's Holly J for Pete's sake. We're friends. I mean… sort of, I guess. Can't a guy hang out with a friend?"

Spinner eyed Jay skeptically. "Maybe. But can you name for me a single girl that you've ever been just _friends_ with?"

"Of course I can!" Jay thought for a long moment, gnawing on his toothpick. "Alex. Alex is one of my closest friends."

"Alex is gay."

"…you're gay."

Spinner sighed in exasperation.


	4. contrast

Holly J scurried out of her house later that evening, after Jay had announced his presence with three long, obnoxious blats of his horn. As she strolled across the lawn towards his car, already horrified by the disparity of its junky appearance against her classy neighborhood, she cringed at the blaring rock music that she could hear from several feet away. As soon as she climbed into the passenger's seat, she switched off the radio.

Jay scowled playfully as he pressed his foot to the gas pedal. "Wow, three seconds into the evening and you're already trying to piss me off."

Holly J shrugged, flipping down the visor and using the mirror to double-check her lip gloss. "Sorry, homes, but I respect myself too much to listen to that garbage." She sighed and flipped the visor back up with a distinct _click_. "Sometimes I think I can't go on living in a world that would let Nickelback happen."

Jay pouted. "Nickelback is not that bad."

"Ebola virus is _'not that bad.'_ Nickelback is sheer torture."

"Well I'll just take whichever one would shut you up faster."

This bickering continued in the absence of music as they rode through the streets. Holly J was more than comfortable using meanness and insults as a part of casual conversation, but she had never experienced anyone quite like Jay, who was just as fluidly unkind. Their teasing was so natural that it was only when they pulled into parking lot outside a shady-looking apartment building that Holly J could even pause for a moment to realize how strange it was to be hanging out with him. What exactly did someone like Jay Hogart do for fun, anyway?

With her arms folded to fend off the slight evening breeze, she followed behind Jay as he climbed the concrete stairs to apartment number twenty-seven. He knocked, and as he waited for someone to answer, he glanced back at Holly J with a sudden sense of awareness and urgency. He, too, had come to the surreal revelation that Holly J was most definitely out of place.

"You brought a purse?" he asked in shock. None of his other friends had purses, after all.

"Do I look like a cavewoman? Of course I brought a purse," she answered.

"Well… keep it on you, don't leave it alone or anything."

Holly J stared at Jay incredulously. "Sounds like a classy bunch of guys you hang around with. Should I have brought my switchblade?" She faked a dramatic gasp. "Is there going to be a _rumble_?"

The door swung open before Jay could respond, and a gawky boy with bad facial hair and a black t-shirt greeted them, leaning against the door-frame. He high-fived Jay and then paused dumbly as his gaze moved over Holly J.

"Whoa," said the boy. "Is this your little sister?"

"Nope," Jay responded merrily. "It's _Heather Sinclair's_ little sister."

The boy's blood-shot eyes widened and he noticeably shuddered. "Whoa. What a trip." He turned towards Holly J. "What's that like?"

"Tangy, with a minty aftertaste," she answered in bored tone. Heather's notoriety no longer flattered or amused her, so she didn't feel like wasting any more words than she had to.

Perplexed by Holly J's dull sarcasm, he ushered her and Jay inside and offered them beers. Discomfort settled over Holly J as she took in her surroundings, and more importantly, as the surroundings took in her. There was little of the dull beige carpet visible beneath all the beer-product litter, magazines, and video game paraphernalia that covered the floors. The walls were white and blank other than the odd Bob Marley or 50 Cent poster, and the entirety of the apartment carried a stale, yeasty smell.

There were two other boys in the apartment, parked on pieces of moldy furniture, holding plastic cups of beer. They wore the same non-descript black attire that Jay usually wore, like it was some kind of uniform. Holly J, with her glossy lips and sleek ponytail, floral skirt and blue tights, easily contrasted them. It was obvious that they were all old enough to be out of high school (having graduated or otherwise exited), and that when they _were_ in high school, Holly J was exactly the kind of girl they would have stayed away from.

In varying states of stoned and drunk, Jay's friends eyed Holly J with utter confusion. The entire scene was a clash of frilly, glittery _girl_ against shifty, sludgy _boy_, and all Holly J could do to break the awkward moment was take her seat and sip her beer.

An hour into the evening, she had turned into a piece of furniture, ignored completely. She spent a lot of time staring at her nails as she listened to Jay engage in shameless, unfunny cock-talk with his garish posse. This is what it would be like to be a groupie for a white trash boy band, she realized.

"Hey goldilocks," called one of Jay's friends, summoning Holly J from her bored daze. This one was named Kody, a thick guy, greasy black hair, wearing a shirt that brandished a pair of fluorescent purple dice. "You play cards?"

Holly J rolled her eyes with impatience. "Sure. Me and the three bears love a good Texas wild-card." She followed Kody's beckoning motion and pulled up a chair to the black plastic card table.

"You've been looking pretty bored over there. Let's make this interesting," Kody suggested with a mischievous grin. "Strip poker?"

The other boys joined him in a chorus of laughter, which Holly J only regarded with another eyeroll. "That wouldn't be interesting, it would be nauseating. Besides, in case it's not painfully obvious, I'm the only lady here… are you guys really that eager to see each other take off your clothes on the off-chance I might have to take off some of mine?"

She had struck a direct hit on their homophobic insecurities; their laughter immediately died off and they abandoned the idea of strip poker.

"What about shot poker, then?" another of the boys chimed in.

"Ah, just give it up, dude," yet another entered with a laugh. He hooked his thumb towards Holly J. "We may as well just play with lollipops with this one."

"Dude, shut up," said Jay, smacking the guy's shoulder. Holly J felt slightly touched that he was standing up for her. But then he kept talking. "You don't want to get her all sugared up before bedtime!"

"Shot poker sounds great," Holly J snapped defensively before the teasing could continue. She marched towards the kitchen and picked up two bottles of liquor from the counter. "Which one are we shootin', boys? Vodka or tequila?"

The group of boys began to bubble with delight and amusement at Holly J's feistiness. One way or another, they could see that the night was definitely going in a more interesting direction. Holly J rummaged through the dirty dishes to find some shot glasses and brought them, along with the liquor supply, over to the card table.

Jay, however, frowned. "Hey, we were just messing around," he said gently as she sat back down. "You don't have to play."

Holly J huffed. "So I'm supposed to hang out in the corner all night? Newsflash, Holly J Sinclair doesn't do well in corners."

Jay scratched his head. A protective instinct was deluging over him, though he wasn't sure where it was coming from. "Holly J… these guys play for real money. And when you throw in drinking… I don't want you to wind up in a bad spot."

"Oh, how chivalrous of you. Afraid to get out-drank and out-played by a girl?"

Jay couldn't believe how stubborn she was being. Normally it was cute and harmless, but he felt like she was getting genuinely pissed off this time. "Holly J, be serious. All of us are twice your weight. There's no way you can keep up."

"Sexist much?"

"It's not sexism, little button, it's science."

"Whatever you say, Rush Limbaugh. Are you in or out?" She poured herself a shot of tequila and slammed it, chasing it with her beer. The other boys howled and applauded, both stunned and amused. Her eyes were alight with challenge as she gazed at Jay, waiting for his response.

"Fine," Jay answered. "It's on."

Holly J's expression quickly changed from a daring scowl to a chipper smile. "Great. Now… how do I play?"


	5. card shark

Fourteen hands of poker later, the five people around the table found themselves drowning in laughter and on the verge of falling out of their seats with drunken revelry. Jay watched in horror as Holly J bobbled from side to side in her folding chair, her eyes half-lidded and oblivious to the fact that her bright orange top had come slightly unbuttoned. In her hysteric inebriated giggles, she remained unaware of what Jay could see clearly: the other boys whispering with dastardly grins as they pointed toward her and the purse on the table.

"Hey, lemme have another shot," said Holly J, propping her head on her hand sleepily. "I'm thirsty."

Kody laughed and refilled her shot glass. Jay sighed.

"How about I get you some _water_?" Jay suggested, concerned at what the other guys were thinking now that Holly J had let her guard down. Well, _down_ was an understatement. Holly J's armor had been essentially tossed out the window, several tequila shots deep. "You haven't even played your hand yet; no need to waste tequila on non-game drinking, am I right guys?"

"Ah come on, let the girl have a shot," bellowed Kody.

"Yeah, Mom, lemme have a shot," Holly J said gleefully as she slammed the glass. She closed one eye as she focused on the hand in front of her. "Alright, ladies, let's wrap this up before I get in trouble for being up past my bedtime."

She opened her purse, spilling out make-up and sticks of cinnamon gum as she fumbled to find a wad of money.

"Holly J," said Jay, slightly quietly. He couldn't believe how easy she was making it for them to take advantage of her. "Those are all your tips from tonight. Don't be stupid."

"Oh, don't worry, doll, you're being stupid enough for all of us. Now are we playing cards or are we playing cards? I'm all in."

The boys grinned at one another as Holly J sprinkled her wadded cash onto the middle of the table. As they eagerly reached into their pockets and met her bet, Jay grew more and more uncomfortable. What, he wondered, would Holly J say the next day, when she realized she'd thrown her money away on a drunken poker game? He wasn't sure which would be worse, her broken heart or her merciless rage.

"Ooh!" she added, reaching to remove the shining earrings from her lobes. "And these. They're real pearls. I love pearls."

"That's it, I'm out," said Jay, slamming his cards down on the table in frustration. "And so are you, Holly J. This is crazy. Do you even know what you're doing?" Underneath the table, Kody stomped on Jay's foot to stop him from intervening.

"Of course I know what I'm doing, Stinko!" Holly J leaned closer to Jay, whispering at a volume that was anything but a whisper. "Psst, hey, are spades worth more than cloversss—whoops!"

In the next moment Holly J had stumbled out of her seat and crashed to the ground, flailing like a wet cat. The other boys only laughed wildly while Jay attempted to lift up her limp body. He tried to lead her away from the poker table, but she bit his ear and smacked him away.

"Get off my case already and let me play already!" she snapped at Jay, straightening her hair as she returned to her seat with what she thought was elegance. "I'm one of the boys now. Right, boys?"

The boys cheered and nodded enthusiastically, ready to swindle the money she had carelessly thrown on the table.

Holly J beamed. "Right then. Show 'em."

In turn, each of the boys laid down their hands, the best of which belonged to a boy named Brandon, who had a pair of kings.

"Oh no," Holly J said sadly, tears beginning to well in her eyes. "You've got kings." She sniffled. "All I have are queens."

Brandon was already reaching for the pile of cash on the table when Holly J placed her cards on the table. He froze in mid-grab as a hush fell over the room. Everyone stared at Holly J's cards, their mouths hanging open.

"Um, Holly J…" Jay began slowly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You have _four_ queens?"

She nodded, still looking sad.

Jay laughed, placing his hand warmly on Holly J's shoulder. "Well slap my ass and call me Susan… You pulled it off, snickerdoodle."

Holly J's drunk, droopy lips curled into a cheeky grin. "You mean I win? I can't believe it, I--" Just as she stood up, bouncing in her glee, and began to scoop up the pile of money from the table, her bright smile faded and she clapped her hand over her mouth. At the speed of light she took off running for the bathroom, clutching her mouth and stomach in agony.

Once she was gone, the dumbstruck group of boys began to bask in the humor of Holly J's quick descent from glory to the toilet. With scheming eyes, Brandon began reclaiming the money of the pot.

"Hey, what's the idea?" Jay asked, placing his hand firmly on Brandon's wrist.

Brandon rolled his eyes. "Come on, dude, she's obliterated. She won't even notice."

"No way, man," said Jay defensively, still forcing Brandon's greedy hands away from Holly J's winnings. "You can't just fuck her over like that. She won fair and square, get over it."

Brandon seemed genuinely confused by Jay's chivalry. "Dude, who cares?"

"I didn't bring her over here so you guys could take advantage of her."

Brandon blinked. "You didn't?"

"No, asshole," Jay said firmly. He stood up and collected all of the money from the table, shoving it into Holly J's purse. "She's my friend."

The boys laughed loudly at such a statement, but as they realized the resolve in Jay's eyes wasn't fading, their laughter puttered out. Jay grabbed Holly J's purse and scurried towards the back to check on her. She was exiting the hallway from the bathroom just as he was approaching it.

"Are we gonna play again?" Holly J slurred, leaning her head against Jay's chest.

"No," Jay answered impatiently, shoving the purse into her hands. With one swift heave, he scooped her tiny frame into his arms and carried her out the door.

Not a second after the door had shut behind them, Holly J erupted in laughter.

Jay sighed. "I'm sure this is all very funny to _you,_ Holly J, but it's pretty goddamn annoying for me. I just had to stop you from getting robbed and possibly violated back there."

"Jay Hogart, you're my hero," Holly J said sarcastically. Jay immediately noticed a change in her demeanor. "Now put me down for god's sake, I can't stand the dramatics."

Slowly, Jay lowered Holly J's feet to the ground and peered suspiciously into her eyes, which suddenly appeared sharp and alert. "Wait a minute. Are you… _sober_?"

Holly J grinned smugly. "Well, I'm buzzed at best."

Jay threw up his hands, stunned. "You mean… you were faking it the whole time?"

"Of course I was. It's a called a hustle, dummy. Isn't that supposed to be your forte?"

Jay was too shocked to form words.

Holly J continued. "You all already assumed I was naïve… so I decided to play it to my advantage. Slur some words, play dumb, tumble out of my chair… and voila! A ripe opportunity to switch a few cards and snag the unexpected win at the last minute." The giddy blonde sighed with contentment. "Man, I impress even me sometimes."

Jay's jaw was hanging open. "You.. cheated?"

"Um, yeah, duh. Four queens? You think that was luck? I make my own luck, chief." Jay said nothing, choking on his gasps of surprise. Holly J's smile widened. "I really had you fooled, didn't I? Aren't you supposed to be, like, this huge con man? Guess you've lost your edge, old man."

Jay shook his head in astonishment. "I mean… how could you throw back all those shots?"

"Please. I spit the shots back out into my chaser. Oldest trick in the book. You didn't really think I was going to get drunk around those Neanderthals, did you? Do you take me for a complete idiot? Do you think _I _would honestly give into petty peer pressure just to impress _those_ stains on society?"

Jay shrugged with a slight meekness, soaking in the shocking genius of Holly J's rouse. "Well, you do fit the type, shortstack. You talk like all the other bimbos, you dress like all the other bimbos…"

"Tuh! I dress _better_ than all the other bimbos, thank you."

Jay scratched his head. "But if you weren't drunk, then why'd you run out of the room to go puke? You must have known you couldn't trust those guys alone with your money."

Holly J smirked and patted Jay's shoulder. "Yeah, well… I trusted _you._ And since it was pretty obvious those slimeballs were drug dealers, I figured I'd have a poke around the back, and just _look _what I found."

Holly J reached into her pockets and pulled out another handful of cash.

Jay snatched the money from her hands and stared at it incredulously. He glanced intently at the money, and then at Holly J's smug and remorseless face. "So let me get this straight. You _cheated_ at poker and _robbed_ drug dealers?"

Holly J nodded with a sly grin. Jay suddenly grabbed hold of her and pulled her into a dramatic embrace.

"Ugh! What's your problem?" Holly J snapped, wrenching herself free of his grasp.

Jay just beamed and wiped away an imaginary tear. "I'm just… I'm just so proud!"


	6. hated

It was a particularly slow lunch at the Dot, and Spinner took the lull in business as an opportunity to pull out his laptop and goof around on the internet. On the other side of the counter, Jay sat eating a cheeseburger while on his lunch break from the garage. Spinner skimmed over the screen, noticing that a large number of his friends on Facerange had all joined the same group within the past two days. He frowned.

"Damn, dude," said Spinner, shaking his head. He turned to the screen towards Jay, revealing the _I Hate Holly J_ group. "Would you look at this? Who would do this to someone?"

For Spinner, the hate-group hit too close to home. It was eerily reminiscent of the days when taunting Rick Murray was the number one pastime of Degrassi, and he had been one of the most enthusiastic participants. The old guilt stung afresh, and seeing it happen to someone he thought was a decent person made it that much more real. He couldn't even imagine how out-of-hand teasing Rick would have gotten if Facerange had been as popular then.

"Holly J is a dirty ginger virus infecting Degrassi, she needs to be eliminated?" Jay read aloud, sliding the laptop closer and laughing slightly. "Jesus. Were kids this cruel when we were in high school?"

Spinner rolled his eyes. "Um, yeah dude, and we were the worst ones. Remember?"

Jay grinned with his familiar smugness. "Oh yeah."

Spinner sighed. "Look, watch the store for me for a minute, I gotta get some stuff from the back."

"Sir yes sir." As Spinner scurried to the store room, Jay scrolled up and down the screen, seeing just how deeply the hatred of Holly J ran in Degrassi's student body. He was engrossed in the expansive and illustrative wall posts, chuckling as he read.

Jay was so amused that he didn't look up when the bell on the door rang, and Holly J stormed inside, sweating slightly and trying not to cry. The door of the Dot shut behind her and she leaned against it, her heart pounding. She had just stormed out of the school cafeteria, where the walls echoed with the chant, "I hate Holly J, I hate Holly J…."

She heard Jay's laugh, and felt a trickle of relief. A good dose of throwing around the bull shit with Spinner and Jay was exactly what she needed. They didn't go to Degrassi; what did they care about lame stuff like that? When she was around them, the Dot was her safe place.

She strolled up behind Jay. "What's up, Stinko?" she greeted, wrapping her arm around him and glancing at the computer screen over his shoulder. "Surfing porn?"

Her face went pale as she saw the familiar hate messages glowing back at her from the computer screen.

"Howdy, shortstack," Jay said merrily. "Look! You're famous."

Holly J felt her stomach churn. She could hear the cafeteria chants again in her head, dizzying her. _"I hate Holly J, I hate Holly J…"_

"God, is there anyone in the universe who isn't amused by my misery?" she choked out, feeling her hands tremble. She took a step away from Jay and shook her head in disgust. "That's it. I can't take this. Tell Spinner not to be surprised when I don't show up for work this afternoon."

Jay sat in stunned silence as he watched Holly J run out of the Dot, tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes.

-o-o-o-o-

There was a thunderous pain deep in her stomach and throat. She had never cried so much in her life. She wasn't used to feeling this way. She wasn't used to feeling so… alone. It was never something that had concerned her before, but all at once she felt like she couldn't stand to be an island any more.

Hours after she'd run away from school, and away from the Dot, Holly J sat curled up on the corner of the plush living room couch, pulling the edges of her fuzzy pink robe closer around her body. Still damp from a long hot shower, her ginger tresses hung in front of her eyes. She pulled her knees closer to her body as she listened to her mother, upstairs, ranting on the phone to Heather about how mad she was about the whole hate group ordeal.

Holly J sighed and shoved another handful of buttery popcorn into her mouth. She knew that her mom was pissed, and that on the other end of the phone, Heather was probably steadily getting pissed off, too. Sinclair women were infamous for their tempers; not the kind of people you wanted to set alight. Holly J had counted on that fierce legacy to get her through high school. To face anything, to fear nothing, to need no one.

But unlike her mother and sister, Holly J couldn't get pissed off this time. She couldn't curl her fists in anger. She could only feel sadness. Loneliness. The idea that people hated her wasn't so awful; in fact, she generally counted on it. But the idea that _everyone_ hated her… that no one, not a single person out there, could _love _her…

That was a more frightening thought. She sniffled and ate another handful of popcorn.

There was a knock at the door, which Holly J ignored at first. When she realized her mother was too busy on the phone upstairs to hear it, she at last grumbled and rolled off the couch to answer it.

The towering, lanky figure of Jay Hogart stood in her doorway, his face like stone and his eyes probing.

"What are you doing here?" Holly J asked in exasperation.

"I came to see what the infamous Holly J looked like without make-up, of course," he answered. His smile was ambiguous.

"I don't have time for campy banter," she said, cutting off his well-prepared routine.

The playful grin slowly drifted from his face. "Right then. No play time." He sighed and reached forward, tugging gently on a strand of her wet hair. "I just came to check on you, squirt. I know you had kind of a shitty day."

Holly J sniffled. Her throat was aching from all the sobs. She stared at the ground. "Kind of."

He had never seen her so deflated. Feeling the frailty of her presence was somehow disarming. He had never before felt the need to be so gentle. He tried to smile, and pulled out a silver metal flask for her to see. "Well hey, if you've got the blues, I always have a little remedy on me."

Holly J rolled her eyes at the container of alcohol. "Is that your answer to everything?"

"Is it really any worse than eating junk food and watching the OC?"

Holly J's lips were pursed to spit out another bitter and exhausted response, but his words stopped her short. She felt a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. "How did you know I was watching the OC?" she asked mischievously, glancing backward towards the television which was only barely visible from the doorway.

"Huh?" Jay answered, scratching the back of his scruffy head. "I mean… you're watching the OC? That was just a guess, actually. Heh. Go figure."

Her clean, somber face suddenly illuminated with glee. "Oh my god, you totally _know _this show," she said.

Jay shrugged indifferently. "Dude, no, come on. All I did was pick the dumbest show I could think of and assume that girls watch it when they're depressed."

Holly J laughed, and even though Jay was embarrassed, he was glad to hear that gentle noise escape her lips. "Please. You recognized the dialogue. You watch the OC!"

"_Watched,_" Jay said through gritted teeth, his shoulders hanging heavily in defeat. "Watched. I did date Manny Santos for awhile, you know, and I _maybe_ was coerced into watching the DVDs. Once or twice. Maybe."

Holly J's grin only grew wider as she saw through Jay's thick skin. "Oh my god you _love_ the OC! Who's your favorite, Seth or Ryan?"

Jay narrowed his eyes.

"Of course, Ryan; you're the bad boy type, that one's too easy," Holly J said, giggling. "Okay then, who do you like Ryan better with, Marissa or Taylor?"

Jay threw up his hands and grunted in discomfort. "I'm sorry, did I come here bearing kindness and goodwill? I must have been high, I think I'll be leaving now…"

Holly J's cheeks went pink with laughter, and she surprised even herself when she reached out and tugged on Jay's hand before he could walk away. "No, wait," she said, smiling as she met his eyes. "That's the first time I've laughed all day. Why don't you… come inside? Amuse me with your plebian ways."

Jay eyed her skeptically as her dainty, manicured fingers stayed clung to his own calloused hands. He could hardly make sense of why he'd bothered checking on her in the first place, and now he found himself invited into the very nest of the queen bee? It sounded like a dangerous proposal.

But then, Jay had always been a sucker for danger. "Well, I guess so, snickerdoodle," he answered. "What season are we on?"

Even as he played it cool, Jay couldn't help but hold his breath as he walked over the threshold and into the dazzling lair of Holly J.


	7. whiskey

Ripping through the contents of Jay's lucky silver flask, the strange pair found themselves a shade drunk within the hour as they watched an episode of the OC. Holly J's tear-stained cheeks were filled with color as she marinated it the warm buzz, feeling liberated from the hours of despair she'd felt all day. She watched Jay with intense amusement, as his deep love for the OC became less and less disguised with every swig of whiskey.

"Shut _up_, Marissa," he whined at the television, causing Holly J to chuckle. He looked at her. "Seriously though, she gets on my last fucking nerve. She's only entertaining when she's a lush. Those are the good Marissa episodes."

Holly J smirked as she took the flask from Jay's hand and stole another sip. She was thrilled to learn just how intimate Jay's knowledge of the show really went. Appearances were certainly deceiving. "Like when she was with Volchok."

Jay yanked the flask back and took an enormous gulp. He nodded fervently as he swallowed the burning liquor. "Exactly. Now that shit was hot. The episode where they first hook-up? Cinematic poetry. He sits there smoking a cigarette on her porch, and she's not even surprised at all; she throws open the door without even looking at him, he _finishes his cigarette,_ and then strolls in and nails her." Jay's drunk smile widened. "Sexy stuff, man."

Holly J watched Jay's face with curiosity as he sat in a daze, unable to know what dirty thoughts were running through the greasemonkey's mind. She fidgeted. She remembered the episode, but the details of that particular moment hadn't spoken to her the way it had gotten to Jay. What _is_ sexy, she wondered. She could feel the idea lurking on the edge of her imagination, and for one fleeting second, with the alcohol zipping like electricity through her veins, she wanted to know what a Marissa-Volchok moment felt like.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the melodic chimes of her cell phone. She picked it up off the coffee table in front of her and groaned at the name on the caller ID.

"It's Spinner," she said with a heavy sigh. Her drunk euphoria faded as she remembered the glaring reality that was waiting outside her safe bubble of inebriation. "He's probably pissed."

Jay shrugged. "Bosses tend to get that way when, you know, you don't show up for work." He thought for a moment and then chuckled in amusement. "Man, he would be even more pissed off if he knew _I _was here with you."

Holly J raised her eyebrows and pursed her pale pink lips in curiosity. "Why would that piss him off?"

"Ah, well, it kind of started the other night when I took you out for cards. He doesn't think you're, well, _safe_ alone with me. You know, like I would take advantage of you or something."

Holly J started laughing, and Jay laughed softly along with her. But Holly J's laughter continued to rise, turning into a throaty cackle, turning her cheeks red until she was bent over, slapping her knee.

Jay furled his brow. "Um, is it really _that_ funny?"

Holly J laughed even harder, and it took her a solid fifteen seconds just to catch her breath before she could speak. "Oh, come on," she said, still laughing. She wiped a tear from her eye. "_You?_ Why would Spinner be worried about me being with _you_? I've got two eyes and a brain, don't I?"

Jay threw back a swig of whiskey and folded his arms indignantly. "Hey, girlie, I'm trouble. You might not realize it, but my dark and devilish charm could be working its way under your skin as we speak."

"Oh, is _that_ what that is? I knew something around here was giving me hives." She playfully snatched the flask from his hands and stuck her tongue out just before taking another drink.

Jay narrowed his eyes at her carefree face. "I'm serious! You don't know it yet, but soon enough you'll be singing my name in your sleep, dreaming things your virgin mind has never even known." He began to dance his fingers melodramatically in front of her eyes, mimicking his hypnotic power.

"Ah," said Holly J. "But you already promised you wouldn't try to sleep with me."

"Ah-ha!" Jay exclaimed victoriously. He cupped his hand gently around her cheek, looking dramatically into her eyes, leaning closer. His whiskey breath floated placidly over her lips. "Already you've made your first mistake, believing promises from me. Now there's nothing to stop you from falling desperately in love with me."

She paused for a moment, soaking in his intent albeit playful face. Her eyes lit up as she grinned at him. "Nothing but common sense." She delicately moved his hand from her face and bit her lip as her mind jumped onto another train of thought.

"I wonder why Spin would go all protective like that," she mused dreamily, touching the whiskey to her lips once more as she contemplated. She couldn't suppress a smirk when she added, "Maybe he's jealous."

Jay's eyes widened in genuine surprise. "Jealous? Jealous of what?"

Holly J blushed. "Nothing. I mean… I was just thinking out loud."

"Holy crap. You have a thing for Spinner!" Now it was Jay's turn to laugh, which he did without reservation, howling and pounding his fist on the coffee table.

Holly J sighed. It was strange how she found it impossible to lie to Jay, when it came so effortlessly with everyone else. "Okay, yes, fine, I _kind of_ like him. Go ahead and tease me. Get it out of your system."

"No, hey, I think it's a beautiful thing," he drunkenly giggled. "Now, you _do_ know the guy has one nut, right?"

"I do indeed. But… does Spinner know how much _you_ love the OC?"

Jay's laughter came to a screeching halt. "You _wouldn't_."

"Jay, what wouldn't I do?"

Jay sighed. "Alright, got it. Teasing over. Ooey-gooey crush on Spinner still a secret."

Holly J smiled and pat his head. "Good boy."

…

The inebriated duo barreled on through a marathon of the OC until Jay's flask was empty and it was sometime after midnight. As the credits rolled once more, Holly J turned and saw that Jay had fallen into a deep sleep, curled up in the fetal position on the end of the couch. Drooling on her mother's expensive pillows. She found herself smiling.

She was startled when the doorbell rang, wondering who would possibly drop by at this hour. Still dressed in only a bathrobe, she walked cautiously to the door and slowly cracked it open.

"Anya?" she said in surprise, swinging the door immediately open. Though her emotions were dulled by whiskey, she still remembered the pang of Anya's earlier appearance at her house with Bhandari. "What are you doing here? It's after midnight."

Anya stood on the Sinclairs' front porch, frowning with her arms folded. "I couldn't sleep. I feel really awful about everything that happened today… I was hoping we could talk. Could I come inside?"

Only the alcohol burning in Holly J's veins would make her forgiving enough to let Anya back into her house. The girls retreated quietly to the living room. About to make herself comfortable on the couch, Anya let out a squeal of shock when she realize that there was a warm, living body balled up on the couch.

"Um, Holly J, I think there's a hobo asleep on your couch."

Jay's limp body convulsed suddenly and he muttered in his sleep. Anya squealed again. Holly J snorted.

"That's just Jay," she said, taking a seat in the armchair across from Anya. "Don't mind him."

Anya raised an eyebrow, barely able to tear her eyes away from the strange sight. "That creepy older guy? What's he doing… in your house?"

Holly J's hospitality wore thin at that precise moment. She folded her arms defensively, surprised by how ready she was to stand up for Jay. "We've been doing heroin all night, and tomorrow we're robbing a bank. _That_ should give you something new and juicy to post to my hate group."

A flicker of sadness fell over Anya's face. "Look, Holly J… I'm sorry about what happened at school today."

"Tuh. You're sorry that four hundred people hate me enough to declare it all over the internet? Don't give yourself so much credit. That one's all on me." Her eyes fell. She wished there was more whiskey.

"People get carried away. I don't… I don't really know what to say. I don't know how I can make it better. But I do know that Degrassi wouldn't be the same without you."

"Tough cookies, MacPherson. I'm gone. If you cared so much, why wait until now to tell me?" Holly J could hardly believe the words were coming out of her mouth. She hated to let it show that she had actually _missed_ Anya. That she actually needed someone.

Anya blushed and shrugged. "You can be so… so _cold,_ sometimes. It was easy to think you didn't have any feelings."

Holly J clenched her fists, feeling angry and frustrated. "Yeah, well, you can be so pathetic sometimes."

Anya sighed. It was hard to sort through her conflicting emotions. It was hard to know if she really did hate Holly J, or if she still loved her. She stood up and walked over to where Holly J sat. "Well, look who's the pathetic one now? I just came to say I'm sorry, and I hope you change your mind. The Holly J I know wouldn't give up without a fight."

She reached out and gave Holly J's hand a squeeze. Weakly, Holly J squeezed back.

"See you at school tomorrow?" Anya asked hopefully.

Holly J didn't meet her eyes, but she nodded. Anya gave her a slight smile before walking out the door.

In the next moment, Holly J's mother pranced down the stairs, heaving a great sigh. "I'm going to bed, princess," she said to her daughter, bending over the armchair to place a kiss on her forehead. "In the morning we can wake up and go over to North Shore to start filling out enrollment forms."

Holly J sighed, shaking her head with a slight grin. "I don't think that will be necessary. Sinclairs don't down without a fight."

Mrs. Sinclair smiled. "I'm glad to hear you say that, honey. This will all blow over soon enough. You know, Heather's sophomore year that awful Michalchuk girl started this petition to--" The woman paused, gazing in astonishment across the living room. "Holly, why is there a hobo asleep on our couch?"


	8. loaded gun

Beads of sweat dripped down Jay's cheeks as he hunched over the engine of a car at the garage, busily assessing the damage that had been done to the recently-wrecked vehicle. He certainly had his work cut out for him, more work than he could finish in the rest of his shift. Sighing, he lifted his tired head and wiped his brow with his sleeve.

He met her eyes as she was standing there, right in front of him, smiling. Her long raven hair hung sexily over her shoulders, over the dips and curves of her body that he knew so well. He could hardly believe it. She was standing right beside him, out of nowhere. She had come back.

"Lexy!" he hollered, scooping the curvaceous girl into his arms and spinning her around.

Alex laughed hysterically as she found herself wrapped up in the playful embrace of her childhood best friend. "Watch it, monkey, you'll get grease stains all over me," she joked.

Jay placed her feet back on the ground and looked her up and down once more. "Wow. Alex Nuñez. What are you doing here? I thought you were in Ajax."

Alex shrugged. "My cousin's getting married, so I'm here for the weekend. I figure that's enough time to catch up and get into a little trouble."

Jay grinned mischievously. "Two steps ahead of you, darlin'." He wiped his dirty hands on his jumpsuit and shoved shut the hood of the car. "The dickhead who brought in his busted car half an hour before close is going to have to pick it up tomorrow, anyway. How about I cut out of here early and we go grab a drink?"

Alex nodded without hesitation, happy to feel Jay's energy around her again. Their past had been rocky and emotional—sleeping with someone tended to carry that risk—but in the end they had come full circle, and their friendship had endured. She followed him to the Dot, where they staked claim to a cozy table in the back of the restaurant.

"You know," Alex said with a slight laugh. "When you said grab a drink, I kind of pictured a bar or, you know… anything other than the same lame place we used to hang out in high school."

Jay shrugged. "What can I say? It's kind of my spot. They know me here." He gazed across the room, watching Holly J run food to tables, even though she was wearing her street clothes. Obnoxiously, he snapped his fingers to signal for her attention.

Hand strategically cocked on one hip, Holly J strolled over to Jay's table, looking anything but impressed. "Um, excuse me, dipwit, did you just _snap your fingers_ at me?"

Jay beamed at the sassy blonde with a sarcastic grin. "Two coffees, shortstack."

"Nice try, but I'm not even on the clock right now. And Sinclairs don't respond to snaps. Tough luck."

"Um, so if you're not working right now… then why are you _working_?"

Holly J's eyes shifted ever-so-slightly in Spinner's direction, and Jay immediately caught on. This would have been an appropriate moment for merciless teasing, which was one of his favorite things to do with Holly J, but he was far too distracted by Alex's presence to get into that mess; once the two of them got started, who knew how acidic and long-winded they could both be.

"Oh, I see," was all Jay replied slyly. "Putting in a little _overtime._ Smooth move, rookie. You're wising up to the game yet." He proceeded to jut out his bottom lip in a dramatic pout, folding his hands in a prayer-position as he gazed up at Holly J with doe eyes. "Now… coffee? Please?"

Holly J shrugged. "Fine, whatever, coming right up. Oh! And I almost forgot. You free tomorrow night?"

"Tuh. On a _Saturday_? I dunno, Ho-J, I'll have to check my calendar. You know how the ladies be hollerin…"

Holly J immediately rolled her eyes and cut him off. "_Right._ So you're free then. You play euchre? There's money involved."

Jay's eyes brightened. "I'm listening."

"My grandma and her friends play every other Saturday. I'm thinking we change up our strategy a little bit. You play the role of my sulky, ne'er-do-well boyfriend who couldn't care less about little old ladies and their silly card game. I bring you in to win over sweet Grammy's affection, they don't suspect a thing from us foolish children, and _bam,_ we take the old bags for all they're worth."

Jay's jaw dropped. "You would do that to your own grandma?"

Holly J simply lowered her eyes in response.

Jay's grin spread from ear to ear as he nodded. "Right, silly me, what _wouldn't_ you do? Count me in, munchkin."

With a satisfied nod, Holly J scurried away to grab two coffees. Still smiling brightly, it took Jay a moment before he felt Alex's curious gaze, probing him intently.

"What?" he asked her.

Alex shook her head, grinning smugly. "Um, you wanna explain _that_ to me?"

"Explain what?"

"The girl. The _kid._ Your new under-age BFF."

"Oh, Holly J? It's just a… thing we do. Started it a couple weeks ago. Scamming people in card games. I know she looks all puffy and lame, but she's actually pretty sneaky."

Alex nodded slowly, suspicion still painted all over her face as she pursed her lips and eyed Jay carefully. "Uh-huh. And how is she in bed?"

Jay blushed, and did his best to appear genuinely offended. "Ouch. You cut me to the quick, Lexy. What makes you think I'm sleeping with her?"

"You'll sleep with anything with boobs that will give you the time of day."

Jay shrugged. "A flattering statement, but for once, you don't know everything about me, Lex. Holly J and are just friends."

Alex laughed out loud, completely unconvinced. "Right. Jay, when have you ever been just friends with a girl?"

Jay threw up his hands. "Why do people keep asking me that?! I'm friends with you, aren't I?"

"Jay, I'm _gay._"

Jay folded his arms indignantly. "Sheesh. People have no faith in me at all, do they?"

"Could you blame them?"

Jay shook his head. "Fine, fine. Doubt all you want. But for once, I actually have a healthy and mutually amicable friendship with a girl. You think I would screw that up by sleeping with her?"

Alex laughed. "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

Jay sighed in defeat, muttering under his breath.

-o-o-o-o-

Jay spent the rest of the evening with Alex, swapping stories, smoking pot, and reminiscing. Alex had been gone for so long that she even got to experience the less-than-pleasant reenactment of his entire love affair with Manny Santos, and the painful sight of Jay's still-bleeding heart spilling all over the place.

"Man, I leave for a few months, and the next you know, my best friend is a completely different person," Alex lamented gently. She sat curled up on Jay's couch, stoned, eating cheese puffs.

Jay, feeling much more sullen and depleted now that he had moaned and whined about Manny for half an hour, shoved his hands into the bag of cheese puffs. "What do you mean, completely different?" he asked, shoveling in more food than should conceivably fit into anyone's mouth.

"It sounds like someone finally got to you. Someone like _Manny Santos,_ of all people. It's weird. I've never seen you so… vulnerable."

"Iumm not vulnabubble!" Jay exclaimed with his mouth full, spraying cheese puff residue all over the couch.

Alex smiled gently and reached out, stroking his hair. "Don't take it as an insult. It's kind of refreshing to realize you have feelings. It makes it easier to forgive you for stomping all over mine so many times."

Jay pointed his finger accusingly at Alex. "Now you've gone too far! How dare you imply that I have feelings!" He reached for the remote and flipped on the TV, trying to ignore her.

Alex laughed playfully and curled up beside him, placing her head on his shoulder. "Aw. Always the tough guy. I kind of like the new you. And now I get it, too, why you haven't slept with the little girl at the Dot yet."

"Because I've turned into a decent human being?"

"Ha! No."

"Because I have no sexual interest in her whatsoever?"

"Shyah no, not even. I smell sexual chemistry out the ass there."

"Then _why_, Dr. Phil?"

"Because, Jason, you finally know what it's like to have your heart broken, and you didn't like it. And now you like someone again, and you're keeping your distance because you don't want to get hurt again. Because _Jay Hogart_ is interested in more than just sex for once!" Alex clapped her hands and cackled hysterically even as the words escaped her lips, relishing in the opportunity to tease her long-lost friend.

Jay scowled. "Now that is just… that is just _reaching,_ Alex. You are seriously overestimating my emotional maturity."

"I'm surprised you even know how to use 'emotional maturity' in a sentence."

"Alright, that's it, you're going down…" Jay dove for a powerful tackle, pinning Alex to the couch and tickling her mercilessly. The two could barely hear the television over their wild laughter, but when video footage of the Dot appeared on the screen, it caught Jay's eye. There was a big crowd. And police cars.

Slowly, their wrestling stopped as Jay and Alex were transfixed on the news story, learning that a gunman had held up two Dot employees, one of whom had been shot and taken to the hospital.

"Holy shit…" Alex murmured, watching the screen.

Jay felt his heart stop. His veins went cold. "We need to go to the hospital," he said, immediately reaching for his keys.

-o-o-o-o-

It took at least an hour to get the full story from word-of-mouth, and for Jay to make his way to Spinner's hospital room. In that time, Alex bid him farewell so that he could see his friend in private, leaving him with a hug that was deep and comforting.

On Jay's way into the hospital room, Jane was just kissing Spinner good night, forced by her mother's nagging to finally leave his bedside and come home. He waved gently to her as she nodded, and then he glanced over at Spinner.

He tossed his arms out in disbelief, staring at his friend and the strange sight of him in a hospital bed. "Dude, you got _shot_!"

Spinner laughed softly. "Yeah man. Crazy, right?"

"Dude, you're like a _gangster_ now." Jay stepped closer to Spinner, shaking his hand in greeting.

Spinner only continued to chuckle as he shook his head, exhausted and disoriented from the insane events of that night. "I wouldn't go that far. Holly J's the real gangster. She saved my life. It was amazing." His mind was hazy with painkillers, and he laughed a little more, smacking Jay's arm for emphasis. "And dude, while she was talking down the guy, she started confessing her secret love for me."

Jay forced a surprised smile. "Oh really? Nice. You going to be robbing the cradle any time soon then? I bet she's…"

"Um, dude, hello? Jane?"

"Ah right. You and your scruples. All that nonsense about no side-play when you're on that 'madly-in-love' bent. Man, I haven't seen you this lame since you were singing campfire songs with Darcy and the Abstinence Brigade."

Spinner smiled and shook his head. "You know, I wanna thank you for coming by to see me, dude. I don't get cable in my room and you're basically the most entertaining thing I've seen all day." The two comrades shared a laugh and settled into a comfortable pause.

"Besides," Spinner continued, glancing carefully towards Jay. "Could you ever think of Holly J that way? She's like a kid sister."

Jay paused for a moment, and he surprised himself with his own hesitation. He cleared his throat awkwardly, masking the pause with a nervous laugh. "No, totally," he answered. "I was just messing around. Seriously, though, who would have thought that little chick had it in her? She talked down a _gunman_. Don't know many cheerleaders that can do that. Talk about a crazy close call."

Spinner nodded, starting to feel sleepy from all the painkillers. "No shit. I'm glad she was there."

Jay scratched the back of his head. "And um, where is she now?"

Spinner shrugged. "Not sure. I think there's a big dance at Degrassi tonight, she might be there." A giant yawn escaped Spinner's mouth. He reached out his hand to Jay. "Hey dude, thanks for coming by, but I don't think I can keep my eyes open any more."

Jay nodded and gave Spinner's fist a solid bump. "Right on. Take it easy, man."

As he walked across the hospital parking lot, Jay pulled his jacket closer to his body to shield himself from the cold, cutting air. His mind was shaken from the surreal events the night had brought.

He wanted to see Holly J. Even though he knew everything had turned out alright, he still felt like he needed to see her safe and sound. He was startled by how much he cared, how much the idea of Holly J standing in front of a gun horrified him. He was worried about her. _In a strictly kid-sister kind of way,_ he assured himself.

He drove past Degrassi, the entrance of which was decorated in sparkling white Christmas lights and black and white balloons. _Sheesh,_ _another dance,_ thought Jay. _Does the Degrassi Community School budget_ _set aside a pocket of cash for balloons alone?_

High schoolers dressed in their best flurried across the front steps of the school, all in black and white. It made it that much easier to spot her: Holly J was walking into the building, a splash of bright blue and pink in the monochrome sea of bodies. He slowed down, watching her.

For a moment Jay considered parking and running to greet her, but that urge quickly subsided. What was he going to do, waltz into yet another high school dance uninvited? How lame could you get? He quickly drove away, hoping he hadn't been spotted.

He had to wonder, as he drove home, why he couldn't shake Holly J from his thoughts.


	9. reverse tutelage

Jay sat at the counter at the Dot, slurping soda through a straw to chase the burger and crispy fries he was devouring. Spinner watched him with a sly grin.

"Five days, right?" asked Spinner.

Jay looked up, trying to appear casual and uninterested. He had been jittery all week. "Hmm? Five days what?" Jay responded innocently.

Spinner's grin spread wider. "Five days until the big day."

Jay furled his brow and shrugged. "What, is there another Clown Academy movie coming out?"

Spinner smacked Jay with a towel. "Five days until the Smithdale kids come home from school for winter break. Five days until _Manny_ comes back?"

Jay shifted his attention to his food, shrugging with disinterest. "Oh. Is it December already? I hadn't noticed."

Spinner rolled his eyes. "Yeah whatever, asshole, don't act like you're not totally excited. As if you haven't been counting down the days. What retarded romantic plan do you have to win her back?"

"Well," said Jay, contemplating as he gnawed on his burger. "I was thinking of getting drunk and climbing through her window. Worked alright for you."

Spinner's clever retort was cut off when Holly J appeared at the counter, slamming down a plate of food and sighing. "Spin, can you comp table seven's cheeseburger and make me another, pretty please? _Princess_ over there seems to think this one is overcooked, and I really can't take any more crap from that bitch today."

Slumped grumpily over his plate of food, Jay couldn't resist smirking. It was amusing to hear _Holly J_ of all people refer to someone else as "princess," as if she didn't have her own Ultra Bitch complex. He also couldn't help but notice the twinkle of sweat on her forehead, and how she seemed oddly kissable with her face all scrunched up and angry like that…

Holly J glanced at him, soaking in his mopey disposition. "What's _his_ damage?" she asked Spinner.

Spinner grinned, only to happy to relish in his close friend's misery. "Ah, well, you know how Jay's got that whole emotional constipation thing going," Spinner answered jovially. "Manny's coming home in five days, and he doesn't want to admit that he's excited."

Holly J's eyes brightened and she beamed at Jay. There had been something strange about her, an unusual kind of exuberance that lit up her whole face, ever since she'd gone to that corny Black and White dance. "Really? I hadn't realized it was so soon. What retarded romantic plan do you have to win her back?"

Jay snorted into his drink, trying not to make direct eye contact with Holly J. "Have you two started some kind of club?" he asked dryly. "Have you been having strategic meetings to constantly make me miserable?"

Holly J rolled her eyes smugly. "As if you need help being miserable, Mr. Pouty Pants. You're like, the anti-sunshine."

Jay grimaced at Holly J, but rather than insult her directly, he turned his attention to Spinner. "Say, Spin," he said thickly, "it's really thoughtful of you to spruce the place up for the Christmas season. You know, making your employees dress all festive and whatnot.

"Um, excuse me?" Holly J prodded, looking sincerely confused.

Jay shifted his eyes toward the scowling ginger, grinning. He reached out and flicked the enormous, candy-striped hoop earrings that dangled from her lobes. "Seriously though, Ho-J, what's with the earrings? You look worse than my Aunt Flo's Christmas tree."

Holly J snarled, smacking his dirty fingers away. "Well at least they didn't come from a garbage can, unlike _someone's_ attire."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm stung, really, Ginger Spice."

"Tuh! You're one to talk. You're like a goth Backstreet Boy."

"Joiner!" Jay accused.

"Neanderthal!" Holly J snapped back, cocking one hip.

"Virgin!"

"Pedophile!"

"Harlot!"

"Jay, you can't insult me for being a virgin _and_ a harlot. That doesn't even make sense."

"Don't try and fool me with your logic, woman."

Spinner watched their exchange with stifled laughter. Grinning, he placed his hands dramatically over his heart. "Gosh," he joked, "can't you just feel the holiday warmth in the air?"

Jay shifted his attention away from his less-than-compassionate friends and shoveled fries into his mouth to distract himself. "Since when are you guys so interested in my love life, anyway?" Jay asked. Intently avoiding eye contact with Holly J.

"More like the lack thereof," Holly J corrected, practically glowing. She was pleased the way events had shifted in her favor at the Black and White dance, and the positive progress she was making with Blue made her particularly revved up to help Jay get his lady, too. She clapped her hands affirmatively, almost the same way she would lead off a cheer. "Don't worry, Stinko, we're going to get the girl."

Jay grimaced. "_We_?"

Holly J rolled her eyes. "Of course. As if you could pull anything off without me. We're a team now. Now let's get our poker faces on."

The annoyed, scrunched-up expression Jay wore was anything but a poker face. "Thanks but no thanks, pipsqueak. I think I can handle this—if there were anything to handle, which there isn't—just fine on my own. In case you've forgotten, I'm kind of a lady killer."

Holly J snorted. "Right. You take one look at them, and they _die_ of fright."

Jay took the French fry in his fingers and pointed it accusingly at her. "I don't need your sass, munchkin. And I definitely don't need your love advice. I thought _I _was supposed to be teaching _you_, anyhow. When the hell did the tables turn?"

Spinner snickered. "The student surpasses the master," he joked. "Didn't she tell you? Holly J snagged her guy after all."

Jay curled his brow suspiciously, eyeing Holly J. "You hooked up with Homo Art Boy and didn't even tell me?"

Holly J blushed and gave Spinner a scolding punch in the shoulder. "Spinner's exaggerating. I just had a good time at the dance with him, is all. But enough about me and my vastly more successful love life, we're focusing on you here, Jason. You need to get Manny back. Maybe if you got laid again you'd stop whining like a little bitch."

Jay threw up his hands in exasperation before clunking them down onto the countertop, burying his face in his arms. "I've created a monster…" he mumbled into his sleeves.

Holly J's mischievous grin only widened at Jay's displeasure. "Now, let's see. Manny's your typical bimbo slutbag, so she's going to want something corny and romantic. Something that will make her feel special, like the most special slutbag in all the land." She scratched her chin in thought, until sudden realization lit up her face. "I've got it! I know just the guy that can help us."

"Help us _what,_ Holly J?" Jay groaned.

"Sweep Manny off her feet, of course." The bitch from table seven, who had been tapping her fingers impatiently as she glared at Holly J, was now audibly snapping her fingers to get the waitress's attention. Holly J rolled her eyes and sighed. "If you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to my life of servitude. I'll call you later and we can work out the details for our plan."

"_What_ plan?" Jay asked, even as Holly J scurried away, ignoring him completely.

Spinner watched Jay's unhappiness with a light chuckle.

Jay scowled. "Hey, you, stop smiling. Nobody's paying you to smile. Sheesh." He rubbed his aching temples, dreading whatever horrendous plans Holly J was concocting.


	10. performance art

Jay sat, slouching, arms folded, on the plush mauve couch in Holly J's rec room. He tried to ignore the horrendous grin on her face as she sat beside him. With the lights low and the projection screen lowered, he squirmed uncomfortably in his seat as he was forced to watch Holly J's pretty boy dance in front of the screen.

When his performance was finished, Blue bowed. Holly J clapped. Jay coughed loudly.

"Right," said Holly J, hopping out of her seat to turn the lights back on. "So that's how Blue asked me to the Black and White dance. Impressive, right?"

Jay furled his brow as Holly J and Blue gazed expectantly at him, grinning like a couple of Brady kids. "You… did that? To ask a girl out? In front of the _entire _class?" he asked, unable to mask the horror in his voice. "And Ho-J didn't punch you in the face?"

"Tuh! What's that supposed to mean?" Holly J huffed.

Jay slunk deeper into his spot on the couch, sighing with boredom. "I mean, I know chicks think it's romantic when a guy embarrasses himself in public to get their attention, I've seen it in all the movies… but didn't that humiliate _you_? I can't believe you didn't smack this guy around at least a few times. You assault me on a daily basis for far less."

Holly J felt uncomfortable with the way Jay only addressed her. Acting as if Blue wasn't there at all. When she'd planned this creative thinktank session, she hadn't expected things to be at all awkward. Blue and Jay were two of her favorite people, and she loved spending time with both of them. She hadn't expected spending time with both of them _at the same time_ would leave such a horrendous tension in the air.

Rolling her eyes dismissively, she ignored Jay's sass and tried to keep things in motion as planned. "Stop being negative for once, Jay. Manny would piss herself if you danced with a power point for her and you know it."

"I don't _do_ dancing. We've established this, Holly."

"And I don't _care_, Jay, surely we've established _that_, too."

"Well, gee, I'd like to see things from your point of view, shortstack, but unfortunately I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass." Jay stood up, using his height as leverage as their banter escalated.

Holly J folded her arms and stepped closer to him, not flinching for a second at his domineering position. "Oh, Jason, ever the wit you have on you. You've got a tongue like razor… and intelligence like a _meat cleaver_ to back it up."

"Hey, Holly J, explain to me… if you're still alive, then why are your parents in _mourning_?"

"Hey, Jay, when you go to a mind-reader, do you get _half_ price?"

"Hey Holly, trade faces with an orangutan lately?"

"Hey Jay, give VD to half the school lately?"

"Hey cuntface—"

"Hey retard—"

"Hey vir—"

"JAY IF YOU SAY ONE MORE SYLLABLE I'LL PUNCH YOU SO HARD YOU'LL HAVE TO UNZIP YOUR PANTS TO SAY HI!"

Jay grinned, clearly pleased to have gotten a rise out of Holly J, as she now stood perched on her tip toes, clutching the collar of Jay's t-shirt threateningly. In stunned silence, Blue hovered awkwardly in the background, bewildered by the interplay he'd just witnessed.

Leaning dangerously close to Holly J's angry face, Jay smiled and exhaled. "Hey now, honeycakes, no need to get violent in front of company." He shrugged off Holly J's grip and smoothed out his shirt. Smirking sarcastically, he turned to Blue. "Alright, fagotron, let's get cooking. How do I win Manny back?"

Still startled by the yelling match he'd just witnessed, Blue eyed Jay suspiciously and cleared his throat. "Um, well," Blue began. "Performance art is all about conveying a message in a way that's larger than life. Saying something like, 'I love you,' can sound trite all on its own."

"Oh, well, _heavens_, I certainly wouldn't want to sound _trite_," Jay interjected with seething sarcasm. Holly J glared at him.

Blue continued, looking noticeably uncomfortable. "Right. Well, um, performance art lets you capture the _feeling _of 'I love you' with more than the words alone can express. So if you want to let this Manny girl know you care, you should try and create an atmosphere that makes her feel like she's in a kind of romantic fantasy."

Jay snorted loudly. "Fantasy, eh? I gotta say, guy, I've given Manny a fantasy or two if you catch my drift, and I can't remember it ever coming down to a power point…."

Frustration burning in her cheeks, Holly J reached out and gave Jay's ear a harsh yank for good measure. "Cooperate, Stinko," she commanded.

Blue sighed impatiently. He was having a hard time understanding why Holly J had begged him to help someone who didn't seem even remotely interested. "Manny likes theater, right?" Blue continued, struggling to stay optimistic when Jay was being so resistant. "So I was thinking you could create a kind of monologue for her."

Jay nodded. "Uh-huh. I guess I could do that. Now, tell me, do I have to act like I'm thinking about doing the nasty with dudes while I'm performing?"

"Um, what?"

Jay shrugged innocently, in contrast to the devilish smirk on his face. "I just thought that was the key. I mean, that's what it looked like _you _were doing during your… ah, _performance piece_."

Holly J bit her lip nervously as she watched Blue's face grow visibly red with anger. "Hey, dude, I'm just here as a favor to Holly J. You don't have to be a dick about it."

"Well, I won't argue that. You certainly look like a man who knows his dicks…"

"Dude, why are you making this thing so hard?!" Blue seethed.

Jay shrugged coolly. "Funny, you know, those are the _exact_ words your mom was telling me last night…"

"ENOUGH!" Holly J snapped, stepping in the middle of the two boys. Scowling at Jay, she reached instinctively for his ear and dragged him out of the rec room, back into the foyer. After shutting the door behind them, she propped her hands at her hips and glared daggers at Jay. "Just what is your problem, asshole? That happens to be my potential boyfriend in there, and you're being a total jerk."

"Hey, I didn't even want to be a part of this fag-fest," Jay snapped back. "And really, Holly J, _boyfriend_? That guy? You've got to be kidding me."

Holly J folded her arms and narrowed her eyes defensively. "He _likes_ me, okay? And I like him. I'm finally starting to get good at this whole dating thing and you have to rain all over my parade!"

"Don't kid yourself, Holly J. The only thing _you're_ good at is making people hate you."

The pain glistened sharply in her eyes as he hit her where it truly hurt. His over-the-top hostility was inexplicable. "Tuh! You're one to talk! If we were to kill everyone who hates _you_,it wouldn't be murder, it would be genocide!"

Jay started pacing slightly, his anger growing. He found himself stumbling over his raving thoughts, unable to explain what was upsetting him so much. "It's just… I mean… Are you telling me you honestly fell for this hokey performance art crap?"

"I… well… It's _nice._ Sometimes guys do _nice_ things for girls, Jay, and they like it. Or didn't you ever try that one? It's hard to believe Manny hung around as long as she did, the way _you_ treat girls."

Jay's nostrils flared as anger and hurt coursed simultaneously through his veins. She had struck a low blow. "Oh just _shut up_ for once, okay, princess? Shut your incessant yap because you have _no idea_ what you're talking about. You don't know the first thing about Manny and me, got it? Our shit was complicated, okay, and some middle school romantic faggot-ass bull shit isn't going to bring us back together. We had an actual relationship, kiddo, something _you_ wouldn't know the first thing about. So just… just back the hell off. Leave me alone. What do you think we are, _friends_? Nah. Screw that noise. You and me, we're not even on the same planet. Get over it."

Holly J's face went ghost-white as Jay's barrage of harsh words pounded into her. For once, she had no snappy response for him. She could only watch in agonizing confusion as he stormed out her door.


	11. do you

Holly J's knuckles went white as she sat on the rec room couch, clutching a bright red stress ball and squeezing it methodically. Her face was still slightly magenta with anger as she breathed heavily, nostrils flared and temper simmering just beneath the surface. She had been sitting like this, seething, for quite a few minutes after Jay made his exit. Her rage and hurt and sheer bewilderment were such that she remained beyond words.

Blue reentered the room, carrying a creamy pink beverage with an umbrella and orange slice perched on the rim. "Here you go, Holly," he said soothingly, placing the drink on the small coffee table in front of the couch. "I made you a smoothie. Thought it might brighten your mood."

Instinctively, Holly J snarled at the drink. "You made me a _smoothie_?" It was hard to mask the horror and cynicism in her voice as she eyed the flashy, clownish drink.

Blue missed the judgmental expression on her face entirely, still beaming stupidly. "Yup. I thought green tea might be best, but you guys don't seem to have any. Lucky I had one of my protein powder packets on me. This should put your body back in balance, perk you right up."

Holly J eyed him incredulously. "You made me a _protein smoothie_? Are we going to do yoga-lates and listen to Cher, too? Do you _honestly_ think this crap is going to make me feel better?"

Blue seemed stunned by the sting of Holly J's voice. Unlike most other Degrassi and Lakehurst students, he had been spared some of her uglier moments. "I was just trying to help, Holly J," he said softly. "Do you always greet kindness so harshly? It isn't a flattering quality."

"No shit, Sherlock," she snapped back absently, still wallowing in her silent rage. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Blue's brow furl. She sighed, and reached out to place her hand softly on his arm. She changed her tone dramatically to something gentler. "I'm sorry, Blue, I really am. I'm just… I'm mad at Jay, and I'm taking it out on you. I apologize. And I'm so, so sorry for the way he acted. I hope you can forgive me."

Blue smiled an nudged the smoothie closer. "Of course I forgive you. There's nothing for you to be sorry about, it was all _his_ fault. You were trying to do him a favor, and he treats you like dirt."

Holly J nodded. She tried her best to put on an angry face, but for some reason she only felt deflated. Why had Jay been so mean, anyway? It wasn't just his usual bad attitude; she could handle that. She even enjoyed it. But this was different. He really seemed like he wanted to hurt her this time, and she couldn't figure out why.

At Holly J's silence, Blue sat beside her on the couch, stroking her shoulders soothingly. He continued. "I mean, I'm not sure why you would spend time around a guy like that. You have to know his reputation, don't you? He's a walking, talking white trash stereotype."

Holly J instinctively shook her head. "No… No, he's not. He's different than he seems on the surface… I mean, he's not all bad." There was more to Jay than met the eye; just like there was more to her than most people thought. That was something she'd always liked about him. He didn't exactly fit into the social mold that she deemed acceptable, but she liked him anyway. She liked that he challenged her sense of cool and uncool; of right and wrong.

Blue laughed off her protest. "Oh come on, Holly." He spoke gently. Patronizingly. "He's playing you for a fool. You can't trust guys like that. Slimey criminal type. It's all in the upbringing. Total cliché welfare case."

Holly J tore herself away from her swimming thoughts and turned to Blue, looking at him for what felt like the first time. She frowned defensively. "How can you say that about him? You don't even know him. And I mean, welfare case… what are you trying to say? That being poor's the worst thing you can be?" She felt her voice get heated.

"Holly, of course not!" Blue responded quickly. He continued to massage her shoulders, but she harshly shrugged off his hands. "You know I didn't mean it like that. I saw more than enough of the way he acted today to know he's trouble. The way you guys were fighting… I can't believe he would talk to you like that."

Holly J shook her head furiously and waved her hand dismissively. "What, _that_? That's nothing. It's just a thing we do."

Blue shook his head insistently, acting as though he hadn't even heard her. "You shouldn't hang around someone who treats you that way. I thought I was going to have to step in and fight that guy."

Holly J let out a callous snort. "Don't be ridiculous, Jay's harmless. I know how to handle myself."

Blue smiled and gave her a condescending pat on the back. "I'm sure you think you do, but with guys like that…"

Holly J smacked Blue's hand away. "Look, _stop_. Stop talking to me like I'm five, okay? I'm Holly freaking J Sinclair, and the last thing I need is a babysitter. And maybe Jay's not the world's nicest dude, but at least _he_ never talks down to me like I'm some kind of naïve skankwit."

Blue's face flushed with disappointment. He scowled. "Five seconds ago, you were apologizing for him. Now you're defending him. And you're attacking _me._ Just what's your deal, anyway? How long do I have to play this game with you before you finally play it straight with me?"

"What game?" Holly J asked, curling her face into genuine confusion.

"This hot and cold game. One minute you're throwing yourself at me, the next you're blowing me off. One minute you're flirting with me, the next minute you're all over that Jay guy at the dance. One minute you're a nice, sweet girl, the next minute you're a huge bitch. What am I supposed to think?"

Holly J sighed in defeat. She had never really seen it from that angle, but it definitely seemed like she was giving him mixed signals. "I don't know, Blue. I guess I wouldn't know what to think, either, if I were in your shoes." She threw out her hands and shrugged. "But this is what you get. This is the Holly J package. If you don't like what you see, tough cookies."

Blue laughed scornfully and shook his head as he climbed off the couch. "Figures," he muttered. And for the second time in only ten minutes, Holly J watched yet another boy march angrily out of her house without looking back.

…

"I. Will. KILL. HIM!" Holly J was seething. She sat perched on a stool at the Dot after hours, while Spinner closed down the shop and listened to her replay the entire dramatic scene from earlier that day. Glumly, she pounded the chocolate milkshake in front of her and slammed the glass back on the counter. "Hit me again, barkeep."

Spinner sighed as he grabbed the empty glass and refilled it from the whirring machine on the other side of the counter. "You realize, of course, that this means you have to help me clean the milkshake machine when you finally decide to cut yourself off."

Holly J merely scowled as she took the cold, refilled glass from Spinner's hands and started pouring its contents down her throat. "Can you please explain to me why Jay is a world-class asshole?" she muttered.

Spinner laughed. "Why is Jay an asshole? I mean, why is the sky blue? Why does spray cheese taste like heaven? It's just the way mother nature intended things to be. You act like this is some huge surprise or something. Jay's always an asshole."

Holly J sloppily wiped the ice cream mustache from her mouth and continued to stare at the grimey counter. "It was different today, though. He was acting like… like, I don't know. Like he was _really_ mad at me for something. It didn't make any sense."

Spinner held his breath, trying not to look Holly J in the eye.

Holly J watched Spinner's apprehension carefully. "What, Spin? What is it?"

After another moment's pause, Spinner exhaled. "Well, I mean, the way you described it…" he said carefully. He wasn't sure if it would be helpful to provoke the situation even more, but with the glare Holly J was giving him, he didn't feel he had much choice other than to tell the truth. "It kind of sounds like Jay was jealous."

"Jealous?" Holly J asked incredulously.

"I mean, yeah. I think he was jealous of Blue."

The Dot echoed with strange silence as Holly J tried to process the idea. Jay was _jealous_ of Blue? As in, Jay _liked_ her? She bit her lip in frustration and proceeded to take another enormous gulp of chocolate shake to soften the blow.

"That's… that's crazy, Spinner. Jay doesn't like me like that. He said we weren't even on he same planet."

"Right," Spinner affirmed, rather unfazed. "Telling you the exact opposite of what he felt, because he's a spineless, emotionally constipated wimp. Typical Jay response."

"But that's… I mean… Ugh!" Holly J picked up her spoon from the counter and chucked it at the front door.

"You're cleaning that up," Spinner noted calmly.

"That JERK! He can't LIKE me! Who does he think he is? Does he have any idea how complicated this makes my life now? What the hell am I supposed to do about this?"

Spinner shrugged. "Well, for starters… Do you like Jay?"

For a moment, Holly J felt her lungs seize up and her veins cease pumping. It was a question she'd never asked herself before, and now that it hung in the air, she had no idea what to think.


	12. proposition

Note: Sorry for the hold-up, I got kind of burned out on this story and I had to back off for awhile.

* * *

Sometimes, without really knowing why, a man must wallow. Jay Hogart was a man of many talents, but wallowing was one of his finer arts. For three days, he took the long way to and from work just to avoid the Dot. He rented Xena: Warrior Princess from the nearby video store and spent hours each night in TV-marathon mode. Nothing but sitting in a dark stupor, eyes glued to the bouncing leather-clad boobs on the screen, smoking pot, drinking cheap beer, scarfing liquorice and cheese puffs. Periodically, messages surfaced on his answering machine from Dad and Third Wife nagging him to come visit for Christmas. He ignored those messages the same way he ignored everything for those three days.

Jay had a colorful turn of phrase for situations such as these. Shit is fucked, he called it. Try as he might to drown his anxiety in junk food, drugs, and 90s syndicated television, he could not ignore the fact that Manny's return was drawing nearer. He could also not ignore the fact that he had burned a bridge with Holly J for no apparent reason. Why, _why_ did the thought of Holly J helping him with Manny infuriate him so much? It was too unsettling to try and reconcile his relationship with Manny with his relationship with Holly J. That the two girls existed in the same universe was difficult for him to comprehend.

His mind was swimming through so many feelings he didn't know _what_ to feel any more. Feeling was overrated, anyway. He'd always thought so himself.

With a sigh, he crawled across the thoroughly-littered floor of his apartment, switching the discs in his DVD player. He flopped back down on the musty brown couch and hit "play" on the remote. He savored the gentle hiss of air releasing from his newly-opened can of beer and let the next season of Xena take over his brain.

He was so engrossed in the over-the-top fight sequence that, for a moment, he thought the obnoxious pounding noise outside his apartment was actually just Lucy Lawless's fists of fury. Finally, he recognized it as someone knocking on his door. Someone who was rather pushy. Someone who would not go away.

He hit "stop" and grumbled as he approached the door, guzzling beer with each angry step. When he swung open the door, Holly J stood boldly in the hallway, tacky earrings jangling as usual, fists perched on sassy hips, lip gloss shining, eyebrows raised. For a split second, he felt a slight trickle of warmth in his stomach. It had been days since he'd seen her, and suddenly he realized that was kind of a big deal.

But the feeling lasted only a second. He was quick to stamp it out, squash it into nothing, and pretend it had never happened. He scowled. "If you came looking for an apology, you must be smoking crack," he said gruffly. "Because I'm not sorry."

"You? Sorry? I wouldn't dream to make such a bold presumption," Holly J said airily. She stood on her tip toes, trying to see past Jay into the apartment. She couldn't help but be a little curious to know how he lived. Realizing what she was doing, Jay pulled the door closer to him, blocking the view nervously.

"Then what do you want, pipsqueak?" Jay asked. "I'm kind of busy here."

Holly J laughed harshly. "Busy? What, do you _knit_ now? Give me a break. You're never busy. You have no life."

Jay lowered his eyes and spoke through his teeth. "I have my hobbies."

"Jerking off to Lizzie McGuire reruns doesn't count as a hobby."

"I'm into _older_ women now, as a matter of fact. The jailbait thing was starting to get annoying."

And for a split second, Holly J felt her brassy demeanor falter, feeling that his jab was geared toward her in particular. Feeling, for the first time, a little unsure of herself around Jay. But the feeling lasted only a moment. She was quick to stamp it out, squash it into nothing, and pretend it had never happened.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then?" she quipped, quick to cover her momentary lapse.

"Xena Warrior Princess," Jay answered with a shrug.

Holly J wrinkled her nose. "Dear _god_ you're old, man."

With a cheeky snarl, Jay began to close the door. "Well good, I'm glad we cleared that up. Love these little chats of ours."

"Wait!" Holly J commanded, slapping her hand against the door to keep it from shutting. She pushed all of her weight into the action, fighting with Jay to force her way inside. "I need to talk to you. Can't you just let me in for a second?"

Jay bit his lip. "Can't we just talk in the hall?"

"What am I, a traveling salesman? Is it too much to ask to just come inside? God, manners much?" She tapped her foot impatiently, and slowly, comprehension dawned on her. "You're not embarrassed to let me see your apartment, are you? Got a bunch of dirty mags lying around?"

Jay sighed. He _was_ embarrassed, actually, but then he remembered that this was Holly J. And screw whatever Holly J thought. With a distinct expression of defeat, he limply let go of the door and let it flop open. Holly J marched into the apartment triumphantly and shut the door behind her. She took a deep breath and paused for moment, realizing she had tread into Jay's most personal space. It was utterly unlike the world she knew; it was the world of lonely, dirty boy.

She shook off the wave of endearment she felt at witnessing such a private place, and turned to face Jay. She was determined to remained focused and straightforward.

"Jay, I have a proposition for you," Holly J said confidently, hands perched on her hips.

"Are we going to scam your grandma in croquet this time?" Jay asked in a bored tone, retrieving another beer from the mess on the coffee table.

"No scams this time. I think you and I have to have sex."

Jay splattered beer all over the place.

"You… _what_?"

Holly J shrugged. "It's obvious, right? It'll end this silly sexual tension between us and we can get back to the harmonious friendship we once so enjoyed. Okay, well, maybe not _harmonious,_ but it worked well enough, I think. So…" Holly J glanced casually around the room. "Is this the extent of what we're working with or do you, you know, actually have a bed somewhere underneath all this filth?"

Holly J's nonchalant demeanor left Jay struggling to compose his thoughts. "Okay, no offense, kiddo, but are you out of your fucking mind?" he managed to ask.

"Not at all. I've thought about it long and hard, and I'm certain this is the only solution to our problem." She proceeded to remove her jacket and toss it to the floor.

Jay immediately blushed as his eyes bulged to twice their normal size. "Okay, _whoa,_ stop that! The clothes need to stay on, hear me? Where the hell did you get this idea, anyway? How would you even _know_ how to spot sexual tension? You're out of your league, rookie."

Holly J folded her arms and pouted. "You're the closest thing I've got to a friend right now, fuckface, and I'm not letting your idiotic male moodiness ruin that. Now strip." She dove forward and landed a hand on his zipper.

"Whoa!" Jay squealed, borderline girlishly. "Okay, that's it. Out! Out, nympho!" He started pushing her towards the door, but Holly J only tightened her grip dangerously close to his package.

"Not until I get that sweet Hogart lovin!"

"Alright, fine, you stay. _I'm_ leaving. Lock the door behind you, I'll be back when sanity returns to the universe…"

…

In the warm and cozy familiarity of the Dot, Manny and Emma laughed with one another as Spinner placed two steaming mugs of hot chocolate at the their table.

"Weird to be back, isn't it?" Emma mused, glancing around the restaurant. "I don't even recognize most of these people…"

Manny nodded and took a sip of her drink. "Yeah. I feel kinda outta place…" Inwardly, however, Manny was pleased to find the Dot empty of its former "usual" crowd. She had only just arrived home for the holidays, and wasn't keen to confront certain unfinished business from her past.

In the next moment, the bell on the Dot door rang abrasively as the door swung open dramatically. The exact person Manny had been dreading marched into the door, panting and looking slightly crazed.

"Spinner!" Jay yelled, approaching the befuddled Dot employee and gripping his shirt. "You've gotta help me. Holly J's being ridiculous and she won't stop following me. I need to hide upstairs."

Right behind Jay, the door flew open again, and Holly J scurried inside, her usual perfect hair frayed in multiple directions. "Hogart! STOP BEING SUCH A BABY AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES ALREADY!" she screamed for all the Dot to hear.

Manny and Emma stared, clutching their mugs, jaws dropped wide open.

"Um, wow, I don't even want to know," said Spinner, handing the key to the upstairs storage room to Jay.

Without a moments pause, Jay snatched the key and darted out the back door. Holly J shot after him at lightning speed.

Manny furled her brow in disbelief. "Was that…?" she began.

"Um, yeah," Emma responded. "That definitely was."


	13. reconciliation

Sorry for the huge hiatus. I simply lost inspiration. Thanks to everyone who poked and prodded to keep me writing. Sometimes it takes a nudge. I hope you enjoy, and I hope the next update won't take as long. Furthermore, I will soon be upping the rating to "M," so add this to your alerts or remember to change the rating filter to check for updates.

* * *

Jay panted slightly as he fumbled with the key to the storage space above the Dot, hearing the distinct click of Holly J's shoes right behind him. He swung open the door and tried to shut it behind him as quickly as possible, but the fiery ginger was too fast for him.

"Mother fucking OW!" Holly J screamed, as the door slammed against the shiny red shoe she had shoved in the way.

In a momentary panic, Jay opened the door back up, biting his lip nervously as he watched Holly J's face redden in anger. She took his moment of hesitation to force herself through the door, slamming it behind her. She clutched his t-shirt with an impressive grip for hands so dainty.

"I can't _believe_ you're making me work this hard," Holly J growled. "It's downright embarrassing. I thought you were the ultimate man-slut. Do you seriously not _want_ to have sex with me?"

Slowly, Jay was taking steps backward, trying (and failing) to ease himself out of Holly J's ferocious grip. But at those words, he found himself distracted, and stopping resisting. It was a ridiculous question, really, and it wasn't until she asked it so bluntly that Jay realized how obvious the answer really was. _Of course_ he wanted to have sex with her. She was a sexy little fireball with pretty eyes and nice tits. He allowed his imagination to run wild for only a split second, titillated by the possibilities of where a nice romp with Holly J could go… Selfish, scandalous desire coursed through him as a string of inappropriate images fluttered through his mind…

But quickly, decisively, he shook his head. There was a reason he hadn't slept with her, in all these months of their budding friendship. There was a reason he'd been alone with her, been _drunk _with her even, for countless hours, and still had never even tried to make a move. Jay knew exactly how things went when he hooked up with girls… he treated them like dirt, and then they would leave.

All at once, Jay realized he didn't want to treat Holly J like dirt, and most of all, he didn't want her to leave.

Jay sighed and dropped his eyes. He couldn't stand to look at her face, or any other body parts that might tempt him. "Holly J, you know you're cute as hell," he said in a defeated voice. "Your 100% fuckable and a skeeze like me is lucky to ever get a proposition from you."

Holly J tapped her foot impatiently, still gripping Jay's t-shirt. "So then what's the hold up? This is the second time I've thrown myself at someone and been turned down, and it's _so_ not helping my ego."

Jay shrugged. "Trust me, I'm doing you a favor. Let's be honest… I _am_ the ultimate man-slut. I've had sex with a lot of virgins and I've watched them all walk away disappointed and a little ashamed. I've never felt guilty about that, of course; dumb bitches should know better than to give it up to someone like me. But I couldn't do that to you. With you I would feel guilty."

Holly J's nostrils flared as she exhaled in frustration. "Oh don't baby me. You're not going to tell me that you of all people is going to say that my first time should be _special_ or something…"

In spite of himself, a smirk cracked across Jay's face. "Not at all, Ho-J. Quite the opposite. Your first time is going to suck. It's going to be _terrible._ Seriously. Awkward as hell and over in the blink of an eye. I just can't stand to be the one who disappoints you like that."

Slowly, Holly J released Jay's t-shirt from her clutches. She sighed deeply and stared across the dim storage unit, sauntering away from him as she collected her thoughts. At last, she plopped down on the faded brown couch in the corner with a drawn-out exhalation.

"So you're really turning me down then, eh?" she asked Jay, smirking slightly.

Jay smiled in return and sat down next to her on the couch. "Fraid so, muffin. You are not nearly skanky enough to hook up with me. I have _standards_, after all."

Holly J raised an eyebrow. "Standards of skankdom?"

"Um shyeah. I didn't get to be the king of skeeves by taking the easy road, I can tell you that much."

They shared a mild chuckle and then fell into silence. Hesitantly, Jay reached out and took Holly J's hand. "Look, Holly J… I've never really been friends with a girl successfully. Hell, I've pretty much always treated even my guy friends like shit. I'm an all-around terrible friend. But I think you're cool and I really want to try with this one. If I hook up with a girl, it only goes one of two ways… either I immediately blow her off and treat her like crap, or I wind up getting roped into a relationship where everyone gets hurt. I don't want to do either of those things with you. Do yourself a favor and stay away from my penis. It's the only way for a girl to stay safe."

Holly J couldn't help but giggle. She gave Jay's hand a squeeze and nodded. "Alright then. I guess we can get this friendship back on track without sex."

Jay shrugged. "It's just crazy enough to work."

"And that means you'll stop sulking and ignoring me?"

Jay nodded. "I'm done ignoring you. Although I still plan on finishing my Xena marathon. And… I'm sorry I was a dick to your boyfriend, I guess."

Holly J smiled. "Yeah, well… He kind of sucks anyway, it turns out. So I'm back on the prowl."

"Uh-oh. Looks like it's back to the drawing board then. The journey of ditching Holly J's virginity continues."

"Think we have time for a poker game first?"

Jay smiled and nodded. Terrified as he was that he would have to face Manny again now that it was winter break, his burden suddenly didn't seem so heavy any more now that he and Holly J were talking again.


	14. eve

"Jesus _Christ,_ mother, I can't stand to see you and daddy act so pathetic!" screamed Heather's voice, echoing in the Sinclair mansion. "Times are tough, I'm sure, but Sinclairs are supposed to fight! Sinclairs never just roll over and give up!"

Sighing, Holly J reached across the dining room table and grabbed the open bottle of merlot. It was Christmas Eve, Heather was home for the holidays, and everyone had sat down for a darling, intimate family dinner. Once everyone was two or three drinks in, though, the tension and resentment over the Sinclair's ever-dwindling finances grew hard to mask. Layers of red wine peeled away layers of inhibition until only brutal honesty came pouring out. Heather, as usual, was the most verbal one of the family.

"How can you have told me my whole life to be a fighter, and now try to tell me you aren't going to keep fighting so that I can stay in University? What about Holly J? How is she supposed to pay for college?"

Holly J felt her insides churn. She hadn't even let her imagination run free enough to think that far into the matter. Suddenly, shiny dreams of sorority life at Banting were darkened in her mind. Even if she risked her entire credit line future and was some how able to get enough loans to pay Banting's outrageous private school tuition, there was no way she'd be let into a sorority. The entire image she had of her future was based on networking with the elite; _being_ one of the elite. Living the shiny life that only money could buy.

Money. It wasn't until recently that she'd really understood the weight of it. It defined her. Everything about Holly J's personality, her confidence and ambition, was all shaped by her family, and her family was shaped by affluence. She didn't want to believe that money was so important, but all around her, the life and home she knew was changing. It made her stomach churn. She took deeper sips of the wine, while Heather's voice continued barking.

Suddenly, she thought of Jay. She thought of the brief glimpse she'd had of his apartment; bare walls, sparse furniture, cheap lighting. Jay's life was so different from hers. It had never made her feel particularly uncomfortable, but she knew somewhere deep down that there was a chasm between them. Jay had even said once to her, on the afternoon he'd hurt her so badly, "We're not even on the same planet."

She didn't want to believe in that chasm; that money put people in different worlds. That money tore people apart. But the louder her sister and parents screamed, and the more she thought of Jay's life on the other side of the tracks, the more complicated the issue became.

-o-o-o-o-

In the other world, on the other side of the tracks, Jay's Christmas Eve had him in little better spirits than Holly J. Where the Sinclairs had smoked ham on a mahogany dining table, young Hogart had homemade nachos on a coffee table; where they had a well-aged merlot, Jay had a pint of off-brand tequila mixed with Mountain Dew. Where they had each other, Jay had no one.

With a heavy sigh, he stared at the glowing screen of his phone in the dark. Gently, he circled his fingers over the tiny plastic buttons, dancing across them but never quite finding the courage to press them. He read and reread the words on the screen, taunting and torturing his already broken heart. He took another hard, seven-second gulp of Dewquila, and read the words again:

_Hey you._

By the grace of some twisted, sadistic Christmas miracle, Jay had received a text from his ex-girlfriend. Out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, Manny Santos had reached out to him on the loneliest of Christmas Eves. The girl who had destroyed him and rejected him a thousand times over was suddenly just a drunken text message away.

Whatever could a man of Jay Hogart's caliber be expected to do in such a scenario? He reached for the blasphemous Dewquila, pounded another gulp, took a deep breath, and frantically worked the keys of his cell phone. After serious contemplation, he typed back:

_Hey._

Tequila whirring in his mind, he waited nervously for four seconds that felt like four hours for Manny's response. She texted back:

_Whatcha up to?_

To which Jay responded thusly:

_Not much. Just hanging out._

These sort of tedious niceties continued on for awhile, beating around the bush in the most painful ways, until finally Manny tossed out the bait Jay was meant to take:

_Been sneaking punch so I can deal with all these relatives lol. Soooooo bored. Just wanna get out of the house._

Jay held his breath. He knew he should take a moment and assess the situation with objectivity and maturity. He knew that Manny was obviously drunk, and was only hitting him up because their former intimacy made it convenient, and because she knew he was powerless to say no to her. In laymen's terms, one would call this a drunken booty call. Objectively, and with maturity, he should not set himself up to possibly be hurt again.

But alone on Christmas Eve, drunk on cheap tequila… fuck maturity.

_Shit you should just come over here,_ he texted.

And so she did.


	15. presence over presents

Author's Note: Back after a super long hiatus. I was sort of preoccupied by getting my master's but now that I've graduated I've got nothing but time on my hands. Back to fanfiction!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The pursuit of a good lay and the dance of seduction can be a complicated, daunting task. Time-consuming, for sure. But Jay and Manny had the benefit of so much history that they eased effortlessly into their roles without a single word. They drank more and smiled at each other. They flirted and made moves in the most comfortable, synchronized manner. They had been apart for so long but Manny still remembered that Jay liked his lower lip bit, and Jay still knew just how to tug on Manny's hair so that she let out the same soft yelp of pleasure he'd heard dozens of times. The sex was easy and comforting, but still exciting in its way.

Drunk, they tussled on top of Jay's fraying afghan and passed out on the couch.

In the morning, the sun was only just beginning to peak in its face when Jay awoke with a start. Needles of white hot pain seared through his head, screaming the angry vengeance of a body subjected to the torture of Dewquila. For a moment he was bewildered to find Manny curled up in his arms, having half-forgotten their late-night romp. He swallowed hard, trying his hardest not to move. He pressed his face close to her, smelling the dry sweat on her hair. What a terrible, terrible mistake he'd made.

Manny shook awake moments later, the uncomfortable, disoriented rousing that follows drunk, weird sleep. She turned her brown eyes toward Jay, the man she was a little ashamed to be naked on top of. Shyly, she smiled.

"Hey you," she whispered, an echo of the devious text message that had started it all.

"Hey," Jay croaked. His throat was dry and scratchy.

Delicately, Manny slid off of him and quietly began to collect her clothing. Once dressed, she made three quick strides toward the door, before Jay could say a word.

"So um," she said, rubbing her temples and avoiding his eyes. "Call me I guess, and we'll... I mean, I'm going to be super busy with family stuff this week, but... you know."

Jay sat up on the couch, still naked, watching her stand beside the door with her fingers resting on the doorknob. He sighed.

"It's that easy for you, huh?" he said slowly. He turned and met her eyes, though it was painful to keep his own open for even a few seconds. Dewquila repercussions throbbed in the back of his head. "Wham, bam, fuck you, Jay?"

Manny shrugged pleadingly. "I mean, I'd say we could talk about it, but you and both know that's pointless. We don't work. I'm glad we could spend last night together, but beyond sex, there's nothing left between us."

Her words were simple and direct, and they hurt most of all because they were true. It was easy to forget the complexity of love when you were drunk and horny, but in the morning, there was no future for Jay with Manny. She was off at Smithdale, living a new life and becoming a new person.

As the door shut loudly behind her, Jay knew that was the last time he'd see her in that apartment. She was gone, _really_ gone this time.

-o-o-o-o-o-

If Christmas Eve had been a tension nightmare, Christmas Day was no better for the Sinclairs. The only difference was that it was bigger, and louder, and drunker, as all the stuck-up aunts and uncles and cousins and grandmothers poured into Holly J's house to share gifts and criticisms. Heather was pouty and self-righteous as ever as she and her mother continued to argue through their teeth off and on all day; Holly J's dad was occupied for the bulk of Christmas brunch in some kind of real estate pissing contest with her Uncle Edward. Under cover of the acidic chatter and self-absorption, Holly J snuck sips of champagne. She grew increasingly tipsy and increasingly impatient with her family's melodrama until finally, she slipped out of the house altogether and took the first bus to the other side of town.

With all the casualness and carelessness in the world, Holly J waltzed through the door the Jay's apartment without bothering to knock.

Barking regally as she entered, she called out, "Oh my god, please tell me you want to hang out with me because I so need to- Um... Whoa. Hi. You're naked."

In fact Jay had been sitting in the dark, on the couch, still naked where Manny had left him, for several hours.

The sudden and unexpected entrance of Holly J made Jay give a yelp, as he fumbled to cover himself. "What in the hell are you doing?" he exclaimed.

Holly J blinked a few times before letting out a soft chuckle. "I um... uh... Hang on. Give me a second." She continued laughing, blushing as she covered her mouth with her hand.

Jay rolled his eyes. "Yes, no, please, guys love it when girls break into laughter after seeing their junk."

"I'm sorry, no, it's just, I would think that that would be such an awkward moment but like... Doesn't even bother me. Isn't that crazy? I don't even care."

Jay inspected her suspiciously for a moment, still holding his afghan tight around himself. "What's up with you? Why are you at my place on Christmas?"

"Ah. Well. Let me tell you what I did today, Jason Hogart: I drank a bottle of champagne."

"Uh-huh. I can see that."

"And do you want to know what I did next?"

Jay sighed. "No, what? I can't bear the suspense."

"I drank... another one!" Holly J laughed hysterically. "Are those Cheez-its? I'm eating them." She snatched the red box from Jay's coffee table and plopped herself onto his sagging couch.

"Why don't I get you some water," Jay offered, retreating to the kitchen for a moment. When he at last placed a glass of water on the coffee table, Holly J had made herself comfortable, shoveling Cheez-its into her mouth with one hand and channel surfing with the other.

Jay sat down beside her, carefully position the afghan to maintain his dignity, and started to pack a bowl. He had reached a point where, honestly, this strange scenario felt like a completely expected unfolding of events. It was Christmas, he was hungover, heartbroken, and naked, and he was going to get high and watch the Home Shopping Network with a champagne-crazed Holly J Sinclair. Totally made sense.

It felt so natural in fact that he didn't bother asking her any more questions about why she'd come over in a drunk state and barged in without knocking. Similarly, she didn't ask why he was sitting alone and naked on Christmas. Instead they ordered Chinese, watched television, and bantered, both of them genuinely able to forget about the stresses that plagued their minds.

After plenty of water, take-out, and a few hours of TV, Holly J was started to feel a little less drunk and a little more sleepy.

"So," she ventured. "You're uh, still naked there."

Jay shrugged, eyes still glued on the TV. "Yup."

"Not to _pry_ but uh, can I ask... why?"

He groaned impatiently. "_Because_, Holly J, I am liberated."

"Liberated?"

"Yes. The truth has set me free."

"The truth?"

"The truth. About Manny. She's over me. Manny's never going to be mine again."

"Manny's never going to be yours again?"

Jay balled up on of his napkins and hit Holly J in the eye with it. "Okay STOP repeating everything I say in the form of a question."

Holly J laughed. "Heyyyy man, cut me a break. Two bottles of champagne. My brain feels like plehhhhhh." She yawned, and dropped her head so that it rested comfortably on Jay's thigh. "Well I'm sorry. I'm sorry you didn't get the girl."

Jay shrugged. "It's really... it's really all right." Instinctively, he began to stroke Holly J's hair, comforting the little drunk bug that nestled so easily on his lap. "It's been over for a really long time now. I just needed a good kick in the pants to finally face it."

Holly J chuckled in her stuporous state, and Jay could feel her soft, warm breath through the holes in the afghan. He watched her face, peacefully drifting off to sleep, as his fingers slid through her silky hair. Damn, if she wasn't kind of cute, _especially_ when she wasn't running that insufferable mouth of hers. That sweet, pink, tender little mouth that was currently resting so near the bare skin of his thighs...

Jay felt an uneasy panic strike him. "Um, Holly J..."

"Mmmm?" she mumbled into the afghan.

"You know, I hate to make this weird, but um, I'm still naked under here, and you're kind of _breathing _on me, and there are certain attributes of the male anatomy that I, uh, can't exactly _control..._"

"Oh," she mumbled again. And then, as soon as it soaked in, she shot back up. "_Oh_. Ew."

"Yeah. Sorry."

Holly J blushed, and ran her hands over her tired face. "Oh, man. Our friendship is so weird. This whole day has been so weird. Everything is so weird. I have a headache."

Jay nodded. "You're not alone in that, sister. I tell you what. I'm gonna get up. You make yourself comfortable. Take a little nap. I'm gonna go take a shower and, you know, put on PANTS, and then I'll give you a ride home. No one likes an hour busride on the cusp of a hangover."

Holly J smiled. "Sounds great. Thanks for the Cheez-its. I knew I could come here. I just knew, you know... you'd make feel better."

Jay smiled too, as he stood up, clutching the afghan for dear life. "Glad to help. Thanks for coming over uninvited. Who knew I needed the company?"

Holly J stretched herself out across Jay's couch and, in mere seconds, had already started lightly snoring. Jay watched her as she slept, smirking. She smacked her lips in her sleep and shivered, and it occurred to Jay that she needed a blanket. Cautiously, he unwrapped the afghan and placed it over her, hoping she wouldn't soon wake up again. As soon as he was exposed once more, he waddled as quickly and awkwardly away to the bathroom as possible, fearing another awkward peek-a-boo moment.

_What a freaking Christmas,_ he thought to himself as he turned on the water. Getting re-burned by Manny first thing in the morning, only to be comforted by an unexpected and inebriated Holly J. He laughed quietly to himself as he remembered the way she just came in, obnoxious and self-important as always, spritely and _adorable_ as always. He thought about how it was sort of nice having her on his couch for a few hours, warming an otherwise cold and lonely day, and then thought a little too long and a little too hard about the way he liked the feel of her face and her hair...

_Maybe a cold shower_, he thought quickly. _A long, cold shower._


End file.
